Zombie Organ Donor Drive

We're all familiar with the common anti-Zombie stereotypes that plague modern society. Zombies are monsters. Zombies are unfeeling, unthinking automatons. Zombies want nothing more than to eat your flesh -- or, in the usual cliché, your brain.

At the Zombie Rights Campaign, we've worked tirelessly to combat the untruths surrounding our Differently Animated brethren. We've proven that zombies are not mere monsters -- they are valuable members of society, from musicians to spiritual leaders. We've proven that zombies have thoughts and feelings just as the Living do, with their fervent desire to help out with great causes such as funding cancer research.

However, there is a small element of truth to one of those tired old lies.

Some Zombies do eat brains (or other human flesh) to obtain required nutrition.

Much like the Living, some individual Zombies may have uncommon nutritional needs or cultural differences regarding diet. Certain Living societies and individuals have engaged in the consumption of human flesh, but do we accuse all the Living of doing so? Brains and internal organs feature prominently in French, Mexican, and Scottish dishes, but have you ever hurled the epithet "brain-eater" at a Living Frenchman?

It is partly closed-mindedness, and partly a lack of understanding about the nutritional requirements of some Zombies that leads to much of today's anti-Zombie bigotry. That's why here at the Zombie Rights Campaign, we're proud to extend our mission of education and outreach with the world's first Zombie Organ Donor Drive!

Yes, The Zombie Rights Campaign is very proud to announce our Zombie Organ Donor drive, an innovative solution to the vexing problem of ethically and equitably providing for the dietary requirements of our Undead citizens who, through no fault of their own, need to occasionally partake of delicious human flesh. Through the Zombie Organ Donor Drive, the ZRC hopes to alleviate the serious contemporary issue of hungry Zombies, while at the same time removing one of the chief causes of the unjustifiable prejudice against the Differently Animated: the fear that Zombies will chase the Living down and devour them as they scream for mercy.

Not so, says the Zombie Organ Donor Drive! There is no longer any need for such fears.

Here's how it works: You, the concerned and socially responsible Living individual, make the generous and community-minded decision to donate your non-transplantable organs and body parts to help feed hungry Zombies upon the event of your death.

Yes, that's right, you can indeed be both an Organ Donor and a Zombie Organ Donor! There are many parts of the body that are simply useless for transplanting into another Living human being, but both tasty and nutritious for those members of the Undead with the need for occasional sustenance derived from Living humans. When you join the Program, you will be issued a unique and personalized Zombie Donor ID card to carry on your person at all times so that, in the unfortunate event that you die and do not subsequently revive as a Zombie yourself (which we would certainly hope you could do), your surplus organs/body parts can be harvested by medical professionals and sent to the ZRC, where we will organize their distribution to the hungry but peaceful Differently Animated.

How can you sign up? It's as easy as going to our online store and purchasing a Zombie Organ Donor Registration! We will add your information to a publicly viewable Zombie Organ Donor Registry (including your city/country of residence, on a strictly opt-in basis), then mail each registered donor a uniquely numbered and personalized ID card to officially sign, along with a laminating pouch to render it permanent, water-proof and purse or wallet ready. Then you can rest easy, knowing that if you were to be hit by a bus, drop dead of a heart attack or even become crushed under a falling piano, whatever was salvageable would go to those in need.

But wait, there's more! As part of our continuing mission of outreach and solidarity between the Living and the Undead, we will donate two dollars of the purchase price of each ID card to the Lynn Sage Cancer Research Foundation. Help out Zombies and help fight cancer at the same time!

So please, sign up today! Think of the Zombies!

Assembly Instructions

So you've made the commitment and received your Organ Donor card in the mail? Fantastic! But you want to make sure you're assembling it correctly, right? Not an issue. Here are the easy to follow, illustrated instructions for the final process of ensuring that upon your death nothing goes to waste. You can click on any of the illustrations to see a larger version.

First, of course, you need to sign the card, and allow the ink to fully dry. We use ultra-fine-point Sharpie markers here at the ZRC; if you've got one on hand, those work great.

Then take the card and insert it into the plastic sleeve with the inked side facing away from the paper with the grid pattern on it.

Next, peel up the corner of the paper, exposing the sticky side of the clear plastic. Pressing from the non-sticky side, gradually slide your hand to the left, flattening and spreading the adhesive plastic onto the card, forming a seal.

And voila! You are now set as a registered donor. Note: this card came out slightly crooked because the camera was in the Art Director's way. If yours does as well, it's easy to trim away some of the excess plastic around the edges to neaten it as you desire.

Here is a video of the entire process just in case you have any further questions!