The Zombie Rights Campaign Blog

Why Zombies Supposedly Don’t Look Like Santa

Another day, another thoughtless ZRS post to discuss. Here’s one for the holidays, sort of, entitled ‘Why Zombies Don’t Look Like Santa’:

Since it’s commonly thought that a person’s hair and nails continue to grow after death, shouldn’t all male zombies have long beards? The short answer is: no.

Despite popular belief, human hair and nails do not continue to grow once a person has died. It is true that all the cells in a dead body don’t stop functioning at exactly the same time, but any resulting growth is negligible. Instead, the appearance of hair growth in a corpse can be explained by skin drying out and receding

Yes, they manage to find a way to talk about Zombies in regard to Santa. But I ask: isn’t it more likely that Santa Claus is, himself, a Zombie already?

I mean, think about it: he’s tireless, ageless, and stays almost year-round in a cool climate, conducive to the long-term preservation of flesh. Maybe Kris Kringle is Undead?

Think about that the next time you get coal in your stockings, Zombie Research Society.

About The Author

The role of 'Administrator' will be played tonight by John Sears, currently serving as President of The Zombie Rights Campaign.


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