Sometimes the worst thing is when someone purports to be on your side all the while snickering and undermining your cause.

Case in point, an article that’s being passed around quite a bit to the ZRC from Cracked.com, which is allegedly about helping Zombies survive a Zombie Apocalypse:

New and potential zombies are a demographic sorely underserved by today’s Internet advice distributors. So, after consulting with the wildest-eyed experts we could find, Cracked has come up with the following guide for how to zombie to the best of your ability, and achieve full un-life self-realization.

Because finding or even reading this guide may pose difficult following the zombification process, we recommend you memorize all these steps now, before disaster strikes. Alternately, keep a copy close at hand, and should you suffer an infectious bite, staple a copy of this to your chest for ease of reference in your new undead state.

See, right off the bat the whole thing reads like a backhanded compliment. Har-har, Zombies probably can’t read, and you might want to staple useful info to your chest because as a Zombie you’ll be a scatter-brained monster, etc.

It goes on like that a lot, actually:

To find friends, attend places where there are likely to be other zombies — malls, deserted gas stations, cemeteries — and mingle. Don’t worry if you’re shy, or have confidence problems — you will have similar interests as these unpeople. Simply start a conversation politely by saying “Blaaarrragh.” Listen attentively and gauge the other zombie’s response — depending on whether they say, “Blaaaaaarrrgh,” or shuffle a bit to the left, you’ll be able to see whether this zombie wants to be a friend (both those actions indicate that yes, he does). Repeat as necessary until you are popular, or the hunger gets too much.

This is helping? Seriously?

No, this is ‘humor’ at Zombie expense. Jokes relying, in fact, on spreading the most harmful (and frequently juvenile) prejudices about the Differently Animated. It isn’t funny, it’s just hurtful and sad.

For shame, Cracked.com

Tags: Journamalism

This entry was posted by John Sears on Saturday, October 15th, 2011 at 12:26 am and is filed under Zombie Media. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.