Yet Another Guide to Surviving the ‘Zombie Apocalypse’
Honestly, how many of these are there going to be?
As yet the undead have not risen from their graves and stared to devour the living – but there was a time when we said man would never walk on the moon and look what happened there, eh? We must prepare for the inevitable and the Dictionary of the Dead is the ultimate alphabetical reference guide on how to survive when the zombies finally arrive and attempt to eat us all.
Doesn’t this remind anyone else of the Cold War era survival fantasies like the infamous ‘Duck and Cover’ nonsense?
Look, I’ll level with you: if Zombies did suddenly rise by the tens of millions and decide to declare war upon the Living human race, those of us dependent on aerobic respiration would be in pretty serious trouble, regardless of how many survival guides we’ve read. Of course, the same thing would be true for other groups that have historically been demonized as the supposed members of secret infiltration plots. Let’s face it, the Zombie Apocalypse is different from racist hysteria over the Irish, the Germans and the Jews only in that Zombies aren’t a race per se.
So yes, if in fact German-Americans had been part of a super-secret, generations long plot to overthrow our society, they would have been a threat to the United States, and yes, if in fact world finance was controlled in sinister fashion by, as Sealab lampooned, the ‘Five Jew Bankers’ then Western governments would be in peril, and likewise, if the Differently Animated were to suddenly grow enormously in numbers and decide to eat your children, then it’d be a waste of time to keep looking for good preschools.
Fortunately, all of these nightmare scenarios are complete fiction! Rest easy, and it goes without saying, there’s no need for elaborate preparation for a hysterical end of the world scenario that’s never going to happen.. especially if, say, we reconcile the communities of the Living and the Differently Animated in the meantime. Assuming equality and justice for the Undead, you know what a Zombie ‘Apocalypse’ means?
Fewer graveyards and more taxpaying citizens, that’s what.
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