The Zombie Rights Campaign Blog

They’ll Use the ‘Zombie Apocalypse’ to Sell *Anything*

I know I probably sound like a broken record of late, talking about how the ‘Zombie Apocalypse’ is being used by mercenary and unethical capitalists to accumulate lucre while spreading hate, but they really will try and sell you anything with fears of Zombies.

The latest example:

BBQ Beef Tactical Sammich

Tactical Sammiches are available in Pepperoni and BBQ Beef, the only flavors double certified* for post apocalypse survivor ration shelving.

At 300 calories of pure tactical goodness, CMMG Tactical Sammiches have a shelf life of over 2 years if maintained at 80 degrees or less. The sammiches can be stored at 100 degrees for up to six months, in case you’re stuck somewhere warm when the radioactive commie zombies attack.

First, 300 calorie sandwiches don’t strike me as great survival food, given that the average adult needs to consume over 2000 calories a day.

That’s 7 of these delightful quasi-food products per person per day. Yum. And they’re charging $5.95 a piece for them too, so it’ll cost you $41.65 per day to secure a food supply safe from those ‘radioactive commie zombies’ (water and vitamin supplements to ward off scurvy extra). Talk about efficient!

Seriously, people? Sammiches to survive the ‘Zombie Apocalypse’? This is just getting sad.

About The Author

The role of 'Administrator' will be played tonight by John Sears, currently serving as President of The Zombie Rights Campaign.


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