The Zombie Rights Campaign Blog

Fun Outdoor Activity or Extremist Training Camp for Young Living Supremacists?

Look, I get that there’s a great deal of concern about physical fitness and exposing children to a potential love of the outdoors, I really do. But there’s a right way and a wrong way to go about getting that exposure for your spawn, and this? This is the wrong way.

This week, kids from the Portland metro area are learning important survival skills.

Lucy Holscher: “What you do is there’s like four or five zombies, you’re in a group with your partner, your job is to keep your partner safe.”

But this is not an actual zombie apocalypse. It’s a survival skills camp run by the non-profit Trackers Earth. April Baer visited the camp, and survived to file this report.

Yes, in the guise of providing kids with useful outdoors skills, this ‘Trackers Earth’ extremist group is spreading Living Supremacist prejudice and teaching children how to harm their Undead fellow man. Why? Who can say, really, why anyone would do such a horrible thing to children, to the next generation. Ignorance, perhaps. Or perhaps they’re just not very good people.

Yes, these Living Supremacists offer a full slate of programs to foment hatred, making it clear that they’re no ordinary, part-time Max Brooks fan group. No sir; these people are for real… and really, really dangerous.

Just look at the, ahem, ‘survival’ skills being taught:

Twelve year old Lucy Holscher says she learned a lot at camp Tuesday, like how to assemble a bag for disaster supplies like bandages, antiseptic, and tools for a fire.

“What was that kind of metal bar we used? Magnesium bar, yeah. If you take that and add a little spark to it it’ll set on fire.”

Handy thing when zombies attack in Oregon’s damp winter months.

Yes, teaching kids how to use ludicrously-volatile magnesium to start fires, no doubt preparing them for a career of Anti-Zombie arson. This is what parents want their kids to do to get some outdoor time?

Whatever happened to campfires and songs? Aren’t Zombie children welcome to explore the great outdoors in Oregon?

I guess not if Trackers Earth has anything to say about it. For shame.

About The Author

The role of 'Administrator' will be played tonight by John Sears, currently serving as President of The Zombie Rights Campaign.


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