The Zombie Rights Campaign Blog

Zombie ‘Fitness’? More like Anti-Zombie Hatercise

So Excel Gynmastics in the Chicago, IL area has decided to cash in on the ‘Zombie Apocalypse’ craze by constructing a ‘class’ to teach people who to survive an encounter with a zombie mob:

With that in mind they have created ZombieFit – a fitness program that involves functional fitness and the parkour ideology. Parkour is “The Art of Movement” – which basically means gracefully getting out of the way of danger – in this case zombies. The group founder Rich Gatz, knows most people don’t really fear a zombie takeover but he says “If you’re ready for the zombie apocalypse, you’re ready for anything”

Mr. Gatz should be especially ashamed of himself for peddling a ‘solution’ to what he realizes is an outmoded, paranoid fear
of the peaceful Zombie population engaged in some sort of brain-devouring uprising. What’s the matter, Mr. Katz? Your ‘Irish Avoidance’ class constructed around Tai Chi didn’t sell enough memberships?

Even worse is the idea that Gatz is going to be training Zombie haters into better physical condition, ostensibly so they can defend themselves, but ask yourself this: how often do Zombies attack the Living? What’s the more likely outcome here, that these Zom-bashers use their newfound skills to avoid an apocalypse that’s never going to arrive, or that they use their new, leaner forms to engage in preemptive Zombie attacks?

Disturbing AND disgusting.


About The Author

The role of 'Administrator' will be played tonight by John Sears, currently serving as President of The Zombie Rights Campaign.

Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


seven − = 5

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>