The Zombie Rights Campaign Blog

Zombie Blood and Jerky For Sale?

What follows is one of the most awful and appalling things we’ve ever seen here at the ZRC. I have to warn our sensitive readers that the matters discussed behind the cut are extremely disturbing, nauseating and appalling. Reader discretion is advised.

We review a lot of Anti-Zombie products here. Movies, comics, books, videogames, toys and the like. We’ve even mentioned the sale of what is supposedly ‘Zombie’ meat in Japan once before, although in that case it was a fairly obvious gag item, manufactured in poor taste.

Today, however, we have the real thing. Here, in what was the United States of America the last time I checked, we have a company selling food products allegedly made from Zombies, and none too shy about their barbarity:

Q: Are your zombies humanely treated?

A: Is “humane” the word you’re really looking for? Our zombies are treated with the utmost respect and care deserving of the undead. While it is true that they are kept in cages, there is plenty of room for them to wobble back and forth and lurch toward passers by. We learned early on that manacles and chains are unnecessary and can pull off valuable limbs. We use only biodegradable bedding materials such as corn husks, oat hulls, and wood chips.

It gets worse. Not only do they sell what is purportedly a food product made from the Differently Animated, including Zombie children, they market it as a performance enhancing drug, a drug that a Living person should use to protect themselves from other Zombies!

Q: Why does Zombie Blood give me energy?

A: Zombie Blood contains the extra strong green zombie blood cells that helped zombies to become the strongest, most horrifying scourge on the face of our planet. These cells temporarily give you zombie strength in the form of additional energy for sports, long workdays, late night studying, or ironically, killing zombies with a cricket bat.

These monsters even put up ‘testimonials’ from people who have supposedly used their products to survive a Zombie Apocalypse.

Funny; I don’t recall one of those, and I was out and about quite a bit today. Nope, civilization seemed to be going on about the same as usual.

Truly despicable. It takes a special breed of sociopath to blame a minority group for a non-existent crisis threatening civilization, then round up members of said group, slap them in cages, and hack them up for meat or drain their blood to make a neon-green substitute for Red Bull.

I love how they put up Zombie Rights to a Facebook poll, too:

Q: Will I be considered a cannibal if I eat this jerky?

A:When a zombie eats a human is it considered cannibalism? Nope. A majority of our Facebook fans believe the exact same thing towards eating zombies. So at least among those on Facebook you will be embraced and not considered a cannibal. As one of our fans (Neven) said in response to this very question: “No. It makes you AWESOME.”

This reprehensible group of sadistic kidnappers and Zombie abusers cannot be condemned strongly enough. The Zombie Rights Campaign is shocked and appalled at what it says about our nation that we have turned to throwing people in cages and eating them because they happen to have a lower core body temperature, or come in a slightly non-earth tone skin color.

A boycott somehow doesn’t seem sufficient. Angry letters would no doubt serve only to amuse them. The best we can hope for, I suppose, is to continue working hard toward a future where savages like the people at Harcos Labs are seen for what they are, and, hopefully, locked far away from the Undead citizens they hate so much.

About The Author

The role of 'Administrator' will be played tonight by John Sears, currently serving as President of The Zombie Rights Campaign.


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