Ok, this is a big one. The Zombie Rights Campaign review of Zombieland.

It was a bright, pleasant day when I woke up Sunday morning, but I knew the ordeal in store. The ZRC missed seeing Zombieland last weekend due to the Dark Carnival. Zombieland, unfortunately, was the #1 movie in America last week; we couldn’t afford to let another week go by without countering the hateful propaganda surely contained within.

Nevertheless, this movie managed to surpass my worst fears.

To begin, Zombieland is the story of a group of wanderers in your fairly typical Zombie-Apocalypse, or as Jenny Rowland, ZRC technical director, calls it: The Zombocalypse. You know the score: a disease broke out, turned 99% or so of the human race into Hollywood Zombies, who are now roaming the streets looking to devour anyone remaining, rather than settling down, mowing the lawn, paying the bills, and so forth like a regular member of society… because in Hollywood, Zombies never do those things. Zombies merely eat your flesh.

Zombieland characters go by aliases based on their origins so as not to develop friendships, and thus be tempted to compromise their own survival when a traveling companion faces danger (yet it’s the ZOMBIES who are the soulless bad guys). The main character is thus “Columbus”, his Zombie-slaughtering pal is “Talahassee”, and so forth. They’re traveling across the country, at first heading East toward their respective home towns, then West toward a semi-mythical place, free of Zombies, a sort of Living-Only gated community, located in a faux-Disneyland in California.

The detour occurs when they meet up with a pair of young female grifters, who are also in the Zombie-bashing business, and thus go by the names “Wichita” and “Little Rock”. A madcap series of escapades, punctuated by anti-Undead violence, ensues, and you get a hybrid Zombie movie/Road trip/Buddy comedy/College romance thing going on.

This movie is very slick, very well produced. Gorgeously shot, with a particular penchant for slow motion and CG enhancement, Zombieland is Hollywood going all out on an anti-Zombie crusade. It’s horrifying, and not in the way they intend. Honestly, scene after scene of Zombie slaughter? Talahassee in particular makes a game, actually a long series of games, out of killing as many Zombies, in as many different and comical ways as he can. There’s even a Zombie Kill of the Week contest, for crying out loud!

George Romero can officially retire now, and pass the baton of Anti-Zombie Propaganda to a new generation.

How revolting.

PS: If you do go to see this… film, make sure to watch out for a special cameo by a bigtime Hollywood celebrity, who takes the opportunity to come out of the Zombie Hater’s closet once and for all. I had no idea… and it saddens me to learn about yet another lifeist celebrity in Hollywood.

Tags: Movies, Review

This entry was posted by John Sears on Tuesday, October 13th, 2009 at 10:04 am and is filed under Zombie Media. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.