I suppose it’s nice when people tell us flat-out that they’re Zombie-bashing Living Supremacists who have fallen for the outmoded stereotypes about the Differently Animated, but these hateful memes still hurt our clients:

We all go through life a little clueless. Sometimes we don’t learn things about ourselves until they’re brought to our attention. For example, what if you’re the loud guy at the party. But you’re really not aware of it until a few friends bring it up over dinner. You’re shocked, embarrassed but now aware and can remedy the situation.

Now imagine your a Zombie. It’s an awkward social dilemma, in most part because your friends are less likely to bring it up. Probably for fear of your reaction and the chance they would be eaten. So how do you know if you’re a zombie? Here are 10 signs you could be the walking dead

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8. Inability To Run – Having problems on the treadmill? Find yourself doing a 30 minute mile? Is it even hard to keep up with the elderly people on the sidewalks? This could be caused by the deterioration of leg muscle and hardening of tissues. This could be the reason for your shambling gait. If you’re unable to chase down even the smallest of children, you could be a zombie.

7. Appearance Problems – Do you exhibit signs of physical decomposition such as rotting flesh, discolored eyes, open wounds, exposed bone, green skin, or loss of hair? If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms please consult your mortician. You could be a zombie.

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1. BRAINS! – Find your diet has changed? Is gray matter the first thing you look for on a menu? There is no doubt about it, you’re a zombie.

Naturally, he went there with the brains thing, a stereotype which not only has no basis in reality, it doesn’t even have a basis in the overwhelming majority of Anti-Zombie media.

Romero movies? No brain eating. Kirkman’s stuff? No focus on brain eating. Max Brooks? No brain-eating specifically. You get the idea.

Let’s just address some of this outright: yes, being a Zombie presents the occasional challenge as well as the perks. It can be hard to fit into a Living-centric society that judges you based on your appearance and injuries sustained immediately before or during your reanimation.

Bill Doty apparently approves of prejudging someone just because they’re no longer conventionally ‘alive’. I suppose he’d want to throw rocks at people like our adorable Zombie spokeschild Tim:

See, Tim has a head wound, Bill Doty says that marks him as less of a person.

You know what I say? I say Bill Doty’s a jerk.

Sure, Tim’s head wound seeps a bit now and then, and it’s hard to get blood stains out of t-shirts. So what? Tim has a head-wound. He also has a toy dinosaur collection and an interest in archaeology, as well as, obviously, Zombie Rights.

I think we all know who the real monster here is, spreading ugly and simplistic stereotypes about the Differently Animated. For shame, Mr. Doty. For shame.

Tags: Mainstream Media, Social Justice

This entry was posted by John Sears on Friday, June 17th, 2011 at 5:44 pm and is filed under Zombie Media. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.