We’ve talked about known merchants of hate Think Geek here at the ZRC blog quite a bit. Probably too much, in fact.

Yet their lust for making sweet lucre off the pain and suffering of the Differently Animated seems to know no bounds, so we have to keep going back to that well to discuss shameless product after shameless product they’re pushing on America. Tragic? Yes. Mercenary? You bet.

Today’s case in point is a seasonal item designed to hit on an Anti-Zombie theme that I guess Think Geek felt hadn’t been exploited enough: Zombie Animal-bashing.

Delicious braiiii– no, white chocolate!
Chocolate Zombie Bunny will destroy you all
The virus has turned his flesh to delicious white chocolate
Save the world; bite his head off!

…

Spring has sprung and all the little woodland creatures are… screaming and hippity-hopping for their lives? It’s a zombie bunny, and double-bopping him on the head isn’t going to stop his murderous rampage. This is no ordinary rabbit! It’s the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent lagamorph you ever set eyes on! He’s not going to nibble your bum; he’s going to tear you limb from limb with his nasty, pointy teeth.

It’s a good thing the virus turned his flesh to delicious white chocolate. All you need to do is sneak up on him (easier said than done, we’ve lost several warehouse monkeys to rabbit attacks) and once you’ve nabbed him, take him out quickly. Use your teeth, brave Knight! Grasp the rabbit firmly in your hands, shove his head in your mouth, and behead him with a single chomp.

Folks, I really don’t know what to say. Zombie Animals have it hard enough, in a world full of ‘Resident Evil’. But here we have Think Geek creating delicious white chocolate effigies so that Anti-Zombiism can be directly indoctrinated in children on Easter morning, coaxing the youth of America into actually biting the heads off of innocent Zombies, albeit symbolically.

Symbolically today; tomorrow, no doubt, the plan is to move the kids on to some heinous abomination from Harcos Labs.

Yeah, you heard us, Harcos. We haven’t forgotten you, and I’m figuring out just how much I’ll need in unmarked non-sequential bills to get past your security.

In the meantime, Think Geek has apparently sold out of these white chocolate icons of Living Supremacism. Twice.

Anti-Zombiism seems to pay extremely well. I suppose it must be enough to compensate them for the sleepless nights racked with guilt over the aid and comfort their website gives to bigots every single day.

Tags: Anti-Zombie Products

This entry was posted by John Sears on Sunday, April 17th, 2011 at 12:35 am and is filed under Zombie Media. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.