The Zombie Rights Campaign Blog

Max Brooks Does Speaking Gig at University of Illinois to Spread Hate, Push Crowbar Sales

Really, it’s just tragic to see universities indulge this hateful and increasingly paranoid man in his fantasies and violent delusions about the peaceful Differently Animated:

“If you don’t know how to survive a zombie attack, chances are you will when I get done talking,” said Max Brooks, author of New York Times best-sellers, “The Zombie Survival Guide” and “World War Z.”

Brooks is giving a lecture on zombie survival Tuesday, at the Illini Union Ballroom from 7-9 p.m. It is free for students and presented by the Illini Union Board.

Yes, because it’s the ZOMBIES who are roaming the countryside spreading fear and terror, not yourself, Mr. Brooks.

Brooks doesn’t just see zombies as great metaphor for disaster education, he also sees them as a great metaphor for the bottomless cruelty and selfishness of humanity.

Brooks explains: “Mindlessness always terrifies me. People who act without thinking — especially people who commit violent acts without thinking — are terrifying. I lost six million of my relatives because of that mindlessness … The static, inhuman, walking ebola kind of zombies keep me awake at night.”

Ah, the tired old Nazi-Zombie comparison. The thing that sticks out at me most here, however, is the notion that somehow the Holocaust was ‘mindless’. Unspeakably cruel, of course, but I’d never seen Germans accused of reckless inattention to details before, let alone in that awful historical crime.

Natural disasters are ‘mindless’. Earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, none of them care, or even know, about the suffering they cause. On the other hand, the Holocaust took, err, rather a lot of planning from a great number of very twisted and sadistic people.

None of which addresses the cruel slander of comparing the Differently Animated generally to a vile strain of political extremists.

Finally, after talking about his very limited involvement in the film adaptation of his book (his role apparently consisted of taking a big bag of cash with a dollar sign on the side and resuming his hate speech tour), Brooks closed with a pitch seemingly concocted by the hardware store chains:

Now back to the basement: Did you figure out how to stop the zombies? Brooks suggests you find a crowbar. Pry open the door, shove back the moaning horde and spear the zombie skulls with the tool’s wedged end. Crowbars are useful in any type of disaster, Brooks said.

“And they don’t need reloading,” he added.

Funny, in your books you say that BLADES don’t need reloading. Did Home Depot get to you, Max? Was that another sack of cash?

Inquiring minds want to know.


About The Author

The role of 'Administrator' will be played tonight by John Sears, currently serving as President of The Zombie Rights Campaign.

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