Due to the rigorous and at-times sanity crushing demands of law school I haven’t been contributing as much to The Cause lately as I would like, so over my Spring Break I resolved to do something worthwile as President of The Zombie Rights Campaign.

And so I’ve put in some time the last few days to check an item off my to-do list: construct a Zombie Shelter in the basement of ZRC Central.

You see, while Zombie Tolerance advances by leaps and bounds across this great nation of ours, the sad fact remains that the Differently Animated all too often have to live in fear. Fear of angry, Living Supremacist mobs. And when said mobs, perhaps hopped up on Walking Dead and Mountain Dew, take to the streets of a Sunday night, the innocent Undead population needs a place to go. Until cooler heads prevail.

We at the ZRC wanted to provide such a place. So I slapped one together! Here, we’ll go on a virtual tour:

Our journey starts at an ordinary basement door. Or is it?

Aha! The entrance to a Zombie Shelter. Naturally, one FOR Zombies, not FROM Zombies. But doesn’t the existence of the sign clue in the angry, Zombie hating mobs? So it does, loyal reader. And so we have a CUNNING COUNTERMEASURE:

Yes, in mere moments we can adopt this ingenious disguise and throw Robert Kirkman’s fans off the trail. Sneaky!

Opening the Zombie Shelter door you are first greeted with the ZRC’s Main Office/Zombie Physical Rehabilitation Center.

To help keep Zombies in Lurching trim we’ve provided some exercise equipment, because it’s good to get some exercise if you’re cooped up underground waiting for Max Brooks to get bored and go home.

But remember, Safety First!

The television in the Rehab area is connected via wifi with a variety of entertainment sources, to help our Zombie guests stave off boredom.

The ZRC offices also boast perhaps the world’s greatest collection of Zombie Friendly Artwork:

We have many mementos of our activism over the years as well. A particular favorite:

Our long-running association with the Dark Carnival Film Festival is chronicled on its own special wall:

Moving on, the Zombie Shelter also has laundry facilities…

and we cater to the needs of our Undead patrons:

But the heart of the Zombie Shelter is of course its Unliving Quarters.

Cozy, dry, and decorated with a variety of green plant life (still looking for Undead plants!) to help avert cabin fever, the Unliving Quarters are designed for a comfortable emergency stay.

Our Informational section alerts current residents to Escape Routes and threatening Anti-Zombie personalities who might be in the area.

Our map of Madison, WI notes local safehouses and other important locations, such as malls (of course), airports and important protest areas.

Also Note: the precise location of ZRC Central is covered with a Post-It note to protect our Zombie Shelter from the aforementioned angry mobs.

Current Unwanted Posters for Mr. Max Brooks and Mr. Robert Kirkman:

Note: you can download these informational posters for your own Zombie Shelters here and here.

A dresser for patron’s clothes is provided, with helpful periodicals which aid the Undead in staying up to date with the outside world courtesy of Z Magazine.

Donated clothes, toys for the Zombie tots (many of them my own beloved childhood items), and a variety of reading materials for the older Undead are also provided.

Note the works of Pratchett and Hartz, some of our most dedicated Zombie Friendly authors.

Mr. Hat-Zombie wants to keep your head and brains warm – with love.

Finally, a computer workstation is installed so that Zombie patrons can log on and monitor the outside world or simply write angry but polite emails demanding better treatment from the Living Community.

Planned future upgrades for the ZRC Zombie Shelter include a kitchenette and obtaining a Lurching Simulator (popularly known as a ‘treadmill’) to enhance our range of provided rehabilitation services.

So you see, with a little bit of work and a tiny amount of obsessive hoarding, you too can create a Zombie Shelter of your very own and help provide for the safety of the Differently Animated!

Tags: Max Brooks is a Jerk, Robert Kirkman, Social Justice

This entry was posted by John Sears on Tuesday, March 26th, 2013 at 3:26 am and is filed under ZRC News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.