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Shirt.Woot! Derby Features Zombie Shirt Designs This Week

Posted By on April 20, 2011

Background: There’s a t-shirt site, Shirt.Woot!, that sells shirts based on, amongst other things, user/crowd submitted designs. Once a week they hold a contest of sorts, where a theme is selected and people submit potential shirt designs based upon that theme. Winners get paid and to see a shirt they created manufactured.

This week’s theme is Zombies, and in a stroke of fairly broad-minded tolerance, the Shirt.Woot people have left open the possibility for Zombie Friendly designs to win the day:

The undead have taken over pop culture. Whether you subscribe to Romero’s philosophy that it’s because the conflict of teeming undead versus desperate survivors mirrors the socio-economic class warfare waging between the haves and have-nots or the more realistic philosophy that people just like the idea of running around with shotguns and looting crap, you have to admit they’re everywhere. So this week the dead shall rise…up our Derby fog. Give us your best undead designs and don’t spare the macabre. Whether it’s epic conflict against the ghouls or the lamentations of the misunderstood common zombie, show us what all the trendiest post-apocalyptic survivors will be wearing once there’s no room left in hell.

See? They’re willing to make a shirt that’s Zombie Friendly, if an appropriate and popular enough design is submitted.

Now, the ZRC isn’t really about licensing out our work, we keep our stuff in house, but we’re willing to endorse and promote it when someone else is putting out a Zombie Friendly design.

Happily enough, there are quite a few that could meet with ZRC approval, along with, of course, a host of Anti-Zombie or disturbing shirt images.

Notable sympathetic or Zombie Friendly designs include (click on the links to see the full size images at the original site):

full size at shirt.woot
-’Whoops‘, which shows Zombies at play and working to overcome any of the limited drawbacks to being Differently Animated

adorable and a bit sad, as pet stores often are
-‘How Much Is That Zombie in the Window?’, which shows that the ZRC isn’t the only organization out there trying to promote more positive imagery of Zombie Dogs

makes me want some ice cream too
-‘Our Tastes Haven’t Changed…Much’, a design which manages to play with the brain-eating meme enough to avoid my ire. What’s so wrong with eating a brain cream?

Zombies *aren't* animals, except in the sense of being part of the Animal kingdom for taxonomy purposes.
-A bit heavy on the brain-eating, again, but the ‘After All, We’re Not Animals‘ line is a zinger.

Some entries of course aren’t so Zombie Friendly.

not cool.  and don't they even get condiments?
-This ‘Zombie Jealousy’ one is just playing up the ‘Zombies eat your neighbors’ theme, plus it seems to be attempting to sow discord amongst the Differently Animated.

Some are just bizarre.

what on earth is this about anyway?
-Zombie..snail…brain…shell? Wha? This might make a tiny bit of sense if it was a Hermit Crab Zombie; snails secrete their shells, they don’t forage for them.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, just a few that jumped out at me; the ZRC heartily encourages people to go and vote up their Zombie Friendly favorites.

Street Fighter 2 Zombies Shirt From Hot Topic

Posted By on April 19, 2011

Seriously, are they even trying anymore?

What the... is there a 'Quick Zombify' filter in Photoshop now?

I mean, when Arthur Suydam redoes classic imagery with Zombies, he puts a lot of care and time into it, and some of the results are very aesthetically pleasing, even if they’re typically Anti-Zombie.

This, though? Yeah. Hot Topic is like pop culture vomiting into its own mouth, and that means Zombie-everything at this point, I suppose.

It explains the Harcos Labs connection if nothing else. When you’re in a hurry to get Zombie merchandise you might have to get in bed with some unsavory characters after all.

Rabidly Anti-Zombie Chocolates Not Just from Think Geek

Posted By on April 18, 2011

Well, I suppose it had to happen; there’s an arm’s race going on Anti-Zombie Easter chocolates.

Groan:

Can’t get your hands on a zombie chocolate Easter bunny? Don’t panic! While Think Geek can’t keep their awesome undead chocolate bunnies in stock, Oregon’s Lillie Belle Farms makes organic zombie chocolate bunnies to order — *and* you can choose either white chocolate or milk chocolate! Voodoo Bunnies first came to unlife as Halloween chocolates, but the online store has them available for order now.

A sample picture; more available at the Buy Zombie page

I mean, on the face of it, does a Zombie chocolate bunny *have* to be Anti-Zombie? Is it Anti-Zombie to sell products bearing the occasional bloody wound? I suppose it depends on the intent of the chocolate maker, right? If the intention was to display the occasional wounds that Zombies might bear as marks of Zombie Pride, like our own Tim does, as a positive example of inclusiveness, that would be a good thing, after all.

So let’s go to their site and see what they have to say:

voodoo bunny

These things are disgusting! but oh so incredible. Each one is hand carved and individually designed for maximum effect. The effect being total zombie annihilation!

We only love you for your brains, get over it!

while they are technically edible, we don’t recommend it…

also….these are all custom made. If you place an order we will need to decapitate/mutilate the poor thing to order.
So be patient, it will get there.

One of the worst parts of this, aside from the pointless cruel mutilation of chocolate Zombies I mean, is that yet again we’re seeing an egregious case of American Pop Culture Zombie Syndrome. Voodoo-resurrected Zombies don’t have any particular hunger for brains; the vast majority of Zombies do not, in fact, have such a hunger.

But everyone thinks they do.

So here we have pointless cruelty directed at Zombies, and it’s not even the ‘correct’ variety of Zombie Chocolate Bunny!

Which may qualify as one of the weirdest things I’ve ever written for this blog.

The Zombie Rights Campaign, after evaluating the context of these foodstuffs, awards them our lowest and most shameful rating, that of Living Supremacist.

After all, they come from, and reinforce, profoundly negative stereotypes, and the website officially calls for ‘total zombie annihilation’.

It doesn’t get much more Living Supremacist than that.

Very offensive.  Perhaps delicious but very offensive.

Re-Animator the Musical?

Posted By on April 18, 2011

This is not a joke at all; Re-Animator is being staged as a musical and there’s some serious talent involved:

In 1985, Stuart Gordon directed his first feature film and created a sensation. It was “Re-Animator,” a smashing popular success based on a horror story by H.P. Lovecraft. The film delivered as many laughs as it did screams making it a cult classic among horror fans and winning a Critic’s Prize at the Cannes Film Festival. Now, Gordon is back with his co-writers Dennis Paoli and William J. Norris and composer/lyricist Mark Nutter to turn “Re-Animator” into a musical for the stage.

The cast stars Harry Murphy, best known as the affable Norm from “Cheers” but now playing the Dean of the Medical School who West transforms into a mindless zombie. Chris L. McKenna, the star of Gordon’s neo-noir thriller “King of the Ants” is Dan Cain, Herbert’s hapless roommate who finds himself drawn into the mayhem. And operatic Jesse Merlin, who played the President of the United States in the long running “The Beastly Bombing” is Dr. Carl Hill who loses his head for Meg, the dean’s beautiful daughter (Rachel Avery) only to actually lose it at the hands of Herbert West. But thanks to the glowing re-agent, Dr. Hill is still able to take his curtain call with his head tucked underneath his arm. Rounding out the cast (in alphabetical order) are Mark Beltzman, Cynthia Carle, Brian Gillespie, and Liesel Hanson, and introducing Graham Skipper as Herbert West.

Special effects are being done by the same guys who did them for the 1985 movie: Tony Doublin, John Naulin and John Beuchler. And the blood will flow so freely that the first row will be designated as a “splash zone.” Laura Fine Hawkes, who last designed “The Lieutenant of Inishmore” at the Taper, will provide the creepy sets, Joe Kucharski the moldering costumes and Jeff Ravitz the cadaverous lighting. Stage managing the madness is the unflappable Joe Begos.

Needless to say, the show is not for small children.

The line about Harry Murphy playing Norm from Cheers, still on the play’s site and the press photos which clearly showed George Wendt in the production anyway, threw us for a loop, but ZRC Cultural Historian Andrew Leal cleared it up for us; Murphy replaced Wendt and the site’s updated press release is… somewhat less than clear. (to be charitable)

At any rate, the original Re-Animator, which we haven’t formally reviewed at the ZRC, is pretty Unfriendly to Zombies, not to mention somewhat exploitative of the Undead. The rather extreme emphasis this stage production puts on gore (as evidenced by the ‘splash zone’) doesn’t make us any more hopeful about the live version. It sounds like the Undead are mistreated by a mad scientist for black comedy laughs.

And we can’t really get behind that.

Dread Central outlines just how messy this show is, and how the plight of the Differently Animated is largely played for humor:

Likewise, all the same grotesque gags unfold right in front of you courtesy of John Carl Buechler’s make-up effects. The first two rows were designated “splash zones”, and the usher handed out plastic garbage bags – but by the time the show ended, it’s fair to say that nearly half the auditorium got hit with splatter. Not since my last GWAR show have I been hit with this much red stuff! Given the limited space and single backdrop, the chaos Gordon unleashes on stage is nothing short of staggering, and everyone involved looks like they’re having the time of their lives. There are even little flourishes and moments that surpass the source material in terms of wild inventiveness.

You can understand why, after reading that, the ZRC is very skeptical that this could be a Zombie Friendly production. On the other hand, Zombies get singing roles, it seems; that’s something.

If it comes to the Midwest, the ZRC would get a couple of tickets. We need to see and review more Zombie Theatre.

Zombies are Always Hungry and Other Oversimplifications

Posted By on April 18, 2011

As much as I suspect you love it when I latch on to a quasi-academic excuse to be prejudiced against the Differently Animated, I had to comment on this one from The Zombie Feed:

“But Where Did All You Zombies Come From?”

by Brandon Alspaugh

Zombies are always hungry.

I had begun a fairly dry, academic essay on the difference between movie zombies and print zombies, with observations on what one could do that the other couldn’t, and how each tickles a different part of the brain. I even had a rather elegant digression into Maori cannibalism, and how it was a very different thing to eat a brain than a heart than an eye than a liver. It was staid and respectable and the sort of essay you don’t mind taking home to mother, and that’s how you know it was a load of pretentious rubbish.

We don’t read zombie stories because of their Lacanian epitropes. We read them because we truly and passionately love monsters.

Hunger. All monsters hunger, in some sense. Vampires hunger for our blood, and werewolves our flesh, but zombies just… hunger. Whether shambling or sprinting, groaning or shrieking, the only thing separating them from a corpse with the good sense to stay down is their hunger. They may not even know what they are. All they know is what they want.

Is it even worth noting that this theory doesn’t hold water even when confined solely to the classic Anti-Zombie canon? Romero’s Zombies don’t just hunger for flesh, they are capable of learning, feeling, even complex emotions like grief. Russo/O’Bannon Zombies aren’t ‘hungry’ at all, they’re in terrible pain and trying to find an effective opiate; they don’t have an eating disorder, they’re drug-seeking. 28 Days Later Rage Zombies may be hungry, but they can’t eat, nor do they try to eat. And of course, your classic Hollywood Voodoo Zombie has no particular association with hunger.

Going broader, the Videogame Zombie may or may not show signs of insatiable hunger; in Resident Evil, yes, somewhat. In Silent Hill, no, although that might be stretching the umbrella of ‘Zombie’ a bit. In Dead Rising, no. Bites aren’t even infectious per se.

In the world of Anti-Zombie comics, again, the hunger issue is far from universal. Mainstream Anti-Zombie comic book ‘Zombies’ follow a simplified Romero ideal, and so typically attack and try to eat their victims, but there are many exceptions. ‘I, Zombie’ from the indie comics world, is a prominent contemporary example, certainly, but going back to the venerable Simon Garth comics from Marvel, it’s clear that not all Zombies in comics ‘hunger’ either.

As Garth’s origin in fiction suggests, pre-Comics Code Zombies didn’t universally live up to this hunger stereotype either.

Where does the ‘hunger’ notion come from? As demonstrated above, it’s clearly not history. We’ve talked about this before on the ZRC blog; there are Zombies, in fiction and otherwise, and then there’s what I call the ‘American Pop Culture Zombie’, which is a mishmash of tropes from numerous differing and mutually contradictory sources, distilled down into a sort of lowest common denominator prejudice.

Back to the blog post we’re discussing:

Zombies don’t keep living – they just keep existing. Zombies keep going, against all reason, against all advice, against all good sense.

Yes, there’s a type of advice you’re likely to take.

Imagine this conversation at the grocery store:

Zombie Citizen: ‘Hello? Can I help you?’
Anti-Zombie Advice-Giver: ‘You should stop existing because you’re not alive.’
Zombie Citizen: ‘That’s nice, but if you’ll excuse me, I’m next in line to checkout.’
Anti-Zombie: ‘Abomination!’

Finally, the conclusion, which brings it all home, in a ‘Dawn of the Dead is totally a metaphor for consumerism and it’s definitely worth mentioning that again’ sort of way:

They frighten us, while we stand behind them in the store or join them on the elevator or nod to them as we shuffle towards the cubicle. They frighten us because we see so clearly the slow seep of their humanity, their hopeless hunger, their familiar despair…

They frighten us when we worry how easily someone might mistake us for them.

That brings us to the real point Mr. Brandon Alspaugh is making, although I’m not sure he’s even aware of it: Zombies are basically the same as ‘regular’ people, but worse, because… of something. Something he picked up, somewhere or other. Therefore they should stop existing and making us Living people look bad because of our close mutual resemblance.

It’d make us, or rather, him, *feel* better, you see.

Update: I completely forgot to make a point about the rather arbitrary ‘always hungry’ standard for non-personhood. I mean, I get hungry regularly; am I not a person while I am hungry? What about a person who’s on a hunger strike, they’re hungry pretty consistently, yet we usually think of such people as either noble or highly motivated, both of which are generally considered virtues.

Yet, when a Zombie does it, it’s bad. I’m awaiting a consistent explanation of why that is the case.

What’s Wrong with Zombie Bananas?

Posted By on April 18, 2011

Just a quick update to note that apparently Harcos Labs wants to terrify you about bananas that are merely in the *shape* of Zombies:

Beware the Zombie Fruit!

When Harcos Labs, makers of Zombie Blood Energy Drinks posted a picture of these awesome banana zombies, we had to know more. As it turns out, they’re the work of a Japanese artist (you can see the artist page here) who, clearly, has mastered ‘nana carving to the extreme.

Adorable really.

I don’t see what’s supposed to be so terrifying about Zombie bananas. They actually look pretty cheerful, even happy-go-lucky. No doubt Harcos has some elaborate story about how, unlike normal bananas, they have to be grown in secret government farms deep in the Yucatan, surrounded by barbed wire, nourished with fertilizer made only from brains.

You can see more of the banana-carving, including non-Zombie humans and even a dragon, here or at the artist’s page linked above.

Yet More from Dr. Schlozman and the ZRC Take on Apocalyptic Fiction

Posted By on April 17, 2011

Honestly, this guy gets around. We’ve talked about him before here on the ZRC blog, here and here.

Recently he penned a short blog post that went up on Boston.com, about his theory as to the allure of ‘End of the World’ fiction.

It’s worth a read for a remarkably candid glimpse into what’s wrong with Anti-Zombie authors and, I suppose, many of their readers:

Apocalyptic scenarios have been certainly been prevalent lately. Its hard to pick up a book, watch a movie, thumb through a graphic novel or play a video game without stumbling into some depiction of the End of everything on Earth. How strange it is that they we seem so intent on imagining our own demise.

To paraphrase the old saw, ‘What do you mean ‘we’, Dr. Schlozman?’

I mean, I haven’t written any Anti-Zombie novels recently. I don’t know anyone who has. Our ZRC pal Michelle Hartz wrote an expose about unfair working conditions for the Differently Animated, but that’s hardly the same thing as what *you’re* doing, Doc.

Moving right along, Dr. Schlozman talks about a disturbing book discussion session where he and some other authors peddle fearful stereotypes to children, and then he gets to the meat of his piece:

I even wrote a novel about a zombie apocalypse, in which I imagine 2/3 of humanity gone and the once mighty UN sitting proudly and secure on a tiny guarded island in the South Pacific. You know what? I think, sometimes, I’d like a bunker of my own.

Well, let’s first do a reality check. The seeming allure of “the End of Days” is all over popular fiction, but it might not be all that great. Consider those frightening moments when our fiction becomes reality. Any compunction we might indulge in wishing for the simplification that the End would afford quickly loses its fictional whimsy as we watch Japan, one of the most technologically advanced nations on Earth, struggle when the Earth itself literally begins to shake.

And yet, I will always remember the quiet, almost sheepish comment from a soft-spoken physician who was brave enough to offer his opinion on these matters last year at a national gathering of psychiatrists.

The doc who voiced his views had stayed behind in New Orleans when Katrina took her toll. Almost sheepishly he raised his hand and admitted, as if in confession, that sitting there trapped on the porch of his house, the hurricane and later its aftermath raging, there was something simple and straightforward about the gun he kept at his side. The buck really did stop with him, and though he was terrified, he knew at least exactly where he stood. Anyone who feels this kind of thinking doesn’t make sense needs to go back and watch Shane. When there’s no one to tell you what’s what, when the law is a three day ride from home, there is a freedom afforded by taking matters into your own hands.

(I’ll only briefly mention the utter hilarity of the phrase ‘the once mighty UN’, which has likely never before been penned in earnest, and would have had all my Poli-Sci profs rolling in the aisles back at IU.)

He closes with a paragraph on, essentially, being careful what you wish for in this regard, but never, and this is odd for a psychiatry professor, addresses the fundamental, dare I say it, madness in adults actually entertaining such fantastic nonsense.

Still, I think he’s done us all a service by putting this out there in the open. End of the World fiction is, I agree, about wish-fulfillment. Put simply, it’s the childish, violent, selfish, narcissistic desire for simplicity and control, and the entertainment of that desire, that drives the genre. It’s not in the least bit laudable, and the fact that so many find it a comforting pastime, an outlet for their stress and anxiety, is profoundly disturbing on a societal level.

Yet here I have the benefit of having my eyes opened on precisely this topic by someone else, and I’d be remiss in not sharing that insight.

Specifically I’m talking about the John Varley short story, ‘The Manhattan Phone Book (Abridged)’, written at the tail end of the mass insanity we refer to as the Cold War, in response to that era’s particular flavor of End Times fiction, where the world is wiped almost clean by atomic warfare.

Varley took issue with the entire genre of ‘after-the-bomb’ stories as being self-delusion wrapped up with self-importance, and the conclusion of the phone book story has always resonated with me. Whenever I see yet another Zombie Apocalypse tale where the author’s particular flavor of Noble Survivor, usually resembling the author in several important demographic respects, has to forge a new existence amongst the ‘Living Dead’, I think of Varley’s eloquent put-down of an earlier formulation of the same self-indulgent claptrap.

I’ll take the chance to excerpt my favorite part here, even though it’s a bit longer chunk than I would normally use:

We all love after-the-bomb stories. If we didn’t, why would there be so many of them? There’s something attractive about all those people being gone, about wandering in a depopulated world, scrounging cans of Campbell’s pork and beans, defending one’s family from marauders. Sure, it’s horrible, sure we weep for all those dead people. But some secret part of us thinks it would be good to survive, to start all over.

Secretly, we know we’ll survive. All those other folks will die. That’s what after-the-bomb stories are all about.

All those after-the-bomb stories were lies. Lies, lies, lies.

This is the only true after-the-bomb story you will ever read.

Everybody dies. Your father and mother are decapitated and crushed by a falling building. Rats eat their severed heads. Your husband is disemboweled. Your wife is blinded, flasburned, and crawls along a street of cinders until fear-crazed dogs eat her alive. Your brother and sister are incinerated in their homes, their bodies turned into fine powdery ash by firestorms. Your children… ah, I’m sorry, I hate to tell you this, but your children live a long time. Three eternal days. They spend those days puking their guts out, watching the flesh fall from their bodies, smelling the gangrene in their lacerated feet, and asking you why it happened. But you aren’t there to tell them.

In other words, and I’ll be far less eloquent here than Mr. Varley: grow up, Living Supremacists. All of you out there, writing and reading and shooting and filming and salivating over the simple prospect of taking control, of making the buck stop with you in some Zombie Apocalypse scenario where finally the world makes sense because you get to be in charge? Grow up. It isn’t a game, it isn’t funny, and quite frankly, it’s pathetic.

There is some awareness of this juvenile problem in Anti-Zombie fiction. Romero’s misanthropy prevents him from offering an easy out for his characters, and hence, audience, most of the time. Max Brooks appreciates the scale of the suffering in his virtual world, even if it’s from a videogame-like remove and with a certain amount of emotional detachment. Still, on the whole, it’s the bomb story all over again for Zombie Apocalypse fiction, only this time it isn’t even a distant nation or an atomic firestorm we’re told to fantasize about battling and cleaning up after, it’s our friends and neighbors, who we’ve supposedly been given permission to shoot in the head by.. the universe? God? Science? Medicine? Take your pick, depending on the source material.

The ‘Zombie Apocalypse’ thus takes after-the-bomb fiction one better, and removes the power of passing judgment on your fellow citizens from a planner in the Kremlin or the vagaries of blast damage, and places it in your hands. Holding, as Schlozman describes, a loaded gun.

Aimed, as often as not, at someone solely because they no longer have a pulse.

The Zombie Rights Campaign asks that all of us put aside these childish fantasies, as well as the hatred of Zombies spread by an Anti-Zombie media, and remember what Varley said: Everybody dies.

But sometimes, at least for Zombies, they come back. The ZRC is here to say that that’s no reason to hold it against the Differently Animated.

Update: Added some links and corrected a typo.

Update the longer: I thought this over a bit more while falling asleep, and I wanted to clarify; not ALL post-apocalyptic fiction suffers from the problem Varley outlines. You can be aware of the escapist trap and avoid it, and since humanity has in fact survived several historical events that could be accurately categorized as apocalyptic (the Black Death being an easy example, the Fall of Rome for the Romans, etc), it’s not like it’s a completely unrealistic scenario.

But the impulse that Dr. Schlozman describes, and half-heartedly waves away in his piece isn’t just some slightly-less-than-desirable frame of mind. It’s extremely unhealthy anti-social behavior. People like the patient he mentions who speak lovingly of how great it’d be to have an enormous disaster get rid of their worries about daily life are idiots or maniacs, not just misguided.

Getting Excited About Dylan Dog

Posted By on April 17, 2011

I’d heard about this movie before, and even seen the trailer, but something about it didn’t stick for me until I watched a scene on FEARnet today, and now I’m legitimately excited.

The movie is called ‘Dylan Dog: Dead of Night’, and on the surface is a fairly bland seeming, Hellblazer-ish story about the one Living guy who has to act as an investigator and enforcer amongst communities of the Differently Animated, in this case in New Orleans.

But looking deeper, it seems like the titular character, and perhaps the movie itself, is pretty sympathetic to the plight of the Differently Animated/Undead.

In particular, if the trailer and the FEARnet scene are any indication, a major subplot of the movie will be Dylan’s attempts to help a freshly reanimated Zombie cope with the difficulties in suddenly finding yourself Undead in a society that doesn’t even acknowledge the existence of the Differently Animated, much less celebrate and include them.

Take a look at this:

I love this dialogue:

Woman: You make it sound like monster hunters are the bad guys, which really doesn’t make any sense, because since when are monsters the good guys?

Dylan: Well that all depends on who you think the monsters are.

Then there’s this, from the FEARnet description of the film:

Brandon Routh stars as Dylan Dog, world famous private investigator specializing in affairs of the undead. His PI business card reads “No Pulse? No Problem.”

The movie comes out April 29th, and the ZRC is definitely going to take in a screening. Even if it’s just a passable action movie in the end, the glimmers of tolerance and understanding for the Zombie Community we’ve seen so far could make Dylan Dog Hollywood’s first serious attempt to move beyond hatred and fear of Zombies into accepting them as part of society.

And of course, as a lucrative potential market.

Trailer:

Think Geek Up to Old Tricks, Zombie Animals New Targets

Posted By on April 17, 2011

We’ve talked about known merchants of hate Think Geek here at the ZRC blog quite a bit. Probably too much, in fact.

Yet their lust for making sweet lucre off the pain and suffering of the Differently Animated seems to know no bounds, so we have to keep going back to that well to discuss shameless product after shameless product they’re pushing on America. Tragic? Yes. Mercenary? You bet.

Today’s case in point is a seasonal item designed to hit on an Anti-Zombie theme that I guess Think Geek felt hadn’t been exploited enough: Zombie Animal-bashing.

It's adorable, why would you want to bite its head off? Prejudice?

Delicious braiiii– no, white chocolate!
Chocolate Zombie Bunny will destroy you all
The virus has turned his flesh to delicious white chocolate
Save the world; bite his head off!

Spring has sprung and all the little woodland creatures are… screaming and hippity-hopping for their lives? It’s a zombie bunny, and double-bopping him on the head isn’t going to stop his murderous rampage. This is no ordinary rabbit! It’s the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent lagamorph you ever set eyes on! He’s not going to nibble your bum; he’s going to tear you limb from limb with his nasty, pointy teeth.

It’s a good thing the virus turned his flesh to delicious white chocolate. All you need to do is sneak up on him (easier said than done, we’ve lost several warehouse monkeys to rabbit attacks) and once you’ve nabbed him, take him out quickly. Use your teeth, brave Knight! Grasp the rabbit firmly in your hands, shove his head in your mouth, and behead him with a single chomp.

Folks, I really don’t know what to say. Zombie Animals have it hard enough, in a world full of ‘Resident Evil’. But here we have Think Geek creating delicious white chocolate effigies so that Anti-Zombiism can be directly indoctrinated in children on Easter morning, coaxing the youth of America into actually biting the heads off of innocent Zombies, albeit symbolically.

Symbolically today; tomorrow, no doubt, the plan is to move the kids on to some heinous abomination from Harcos Labs.

Yeah, you heard us, Harcos. We haven’t forgotten you, and I’m figuring out just how much I’ll need in unmarked non-sequential bills to get past your security.

In the meantime, Think Geek has apparently sold out of these white chocolate icons of Living Supremacism. Twice.

Anti-Zombiism seems to pay extremely well. I suppose it must be enough to compensate them for the sleepless nights racked with guilt over the aid and comfort their website gives to bigots every single day.

DeKalb Holds Zombie Walk

Posted By on April 16, 2011

Hopefully it will be as socially progressive and supportive of the Differently Animated as possible too:

DeKALB – Don’t be surprised to see a few hundred decomposing zombies staggering around Northern Illinois University this weekend.

The DeKalb Zombie Walk 2011 Facebook page has garnered 600 responses from people saying they plan to participate in the march through town.

Meghan Barnett, an NIU sophomore who’s one of the organizers, said she got the idea after she was unable to attend a similar event in her hometown of Bloomington last October. She was disappointed she couldn’t be there, so she decided to organize an event in DeKalb.

“We’ll be walking, or I guess I should say shambling, around,” she said. “It’s more for the onlookers to see all these undead people walking around.”

Yes! It really *is* important that the mainstream population see the Undead peacefully walking through their communities. That’s an excellent approach to outreach right there.

The Walk starts in a couple of hours, so if you’re in DeKalb, you should seriously consider attending. Details are at the link above.