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‘Wanted’ Director to Make Zombie Movie “Maggie”

Posted By on April 10, 2011

No word yet on whether it’s Zombie Friendly or not; we’re hoping for at least more sympathy than usual to the Differently Animated:

After a heated auction for the spec script, Timur Bekmambetov has won rights to produce inventive zombie title, Maggie.

The plot tracks the titular, 16-year old girl from middle America who has fallen prey to a zombie infection. The twist? Maggie’s transformation takes six weeks, leaving the film to focus entirely around the emotional impact of her situation.

The script was penned by John Scott 3 (we’re not sure if we’re supposed to pronounce the “three” part) a NASA satellite programmer, with visual effects maestro Henry Hobson (Rango) coming on board to direct.

Then again, judging by ‘Alice Jacobs Is Dead’, we might not find the sympathy just because an ‘infected’ individual takes a long time to ‘succumb’.

Hmph. Seems ungrateful to me, characterizing Undeath, aka practical immortality, as a disease. People are so self-centered.

Let’s hope ‘Maggie’ doesn’t disappoint us like so many others.

More ‘World War Z’ Rumors

Posted By on April 10, 2011

It’s sad that a book as divisive and disturbingly Living Supremacist as ‘World War Z’ is getting made at all, but the hoops it manages to jump through astound me. Someone out in Hollywood must really, really hate Zombies. We’re guessing it’s Brad Pitt:

With Paramount threatening to cut the rope without a financing partner, all hope on a World War Z film had seemingly been quashed.

But today word reaches us that talks are being carried out with a few interested prospectors, with rumours of production beginning as early as June.

If it gets the green light (and we hope it does), Quantum of Solace director Mark Forster will be jumping on board to helm, and Brad Pitt will take a lead role – which should ease the minds of potential investors.

Boo. The last thing we need is Brad Pitt luring lots of gullible Americans into a theatre to see Anti-Zombie propaganda.

I don’t know what Brad Pitt has against the Differently Animated. Did one of them dent your car door at the supermarket or something, Brad? Honestly, it’s time you got over whatever slights you *think* you’ve felt from the Zombie Community. Pushing the Anti-Zombie equivalent of ‘The Birth of a Nation’ is way too far to go for revenge.

Is Upcoming HBO Series ‘Game of Thrones’ Anti-Zombie?

Posted By on April 10, 2011

The upcoming high-fantasy, big-budget HBO Series ‘Game of Thrones’, based on George R. R. Martin’s best-selling A Song of Ice and Fire series of novels, has been getting a lot of press lately, and given our culture’s current Anti-Zombie fixation, apparently Undead individuals in said show are getting a lot of attention:

If you missed HBO’s April 3 sneak peek at “Game of Thrones,” you’re in luck. The network has released the first 15 minutes of the April 17 series premiere online.

Also? We get a fleeting glimpse at the “White Walkers” — which, to the best of our knowledge, are some yeti/zombie hybrid. But damn do they have some pretty eyes…

I haven’t read the original books, nor seen the preview. I do, however, have access to the Power of Google, so I was able to quickly determine what the ‘White Walkers’ actually are.

They’re not Zombies. They’re necromancers who apparently misuse Zombies to fight their wars:

The Others, known amongst the wildlings as White Walkers, are a race of creatures that have been recorded to exist north of the Wall.

Creatures killed by the Others reanimate as undead zombies called wights. The bodies of wights are freezing cold and their eyes glow blue. Wights will attack any living creature around them with surprising strength, and with a certain amount of intelligence and memories of their previous life (as indicated by an assassination attempt of the Lord Commander of the Night Watch). They feel no pain and will continue to fight regardless of injury. Though they can be stopped by total dismemberment, their limbs will continue to move if detached from their bodies. They are highly flammable and will be quickly consumed if set aflame. The Others hold some form of power over wights and can gather them together to attack their enemies en masse.

So once again we have a story that is purported to be about scary Zombies which is, in fact, about Zombies being unfairly used and abused by necromancers.

This is a story as old as time, and somehow it’s never the practitioners of infernal magic that get the blame, it’s the Zombies they enslave. Why is that, I wonder? Besides Anti-Zombie prejudice I mean.

Michelle Hartz, ZRC friend, explored this territory in her own book, ‘Helpless’, and agrees with us that the plight of the Differently Animated, forced to work under these hazardous conditions, is tragic indeed. So some people out there get it.

I just hope the American cable tv viewing public does, or we’ll have yet another fire to put out here at the ZRC.

As for the question in the title, I suppose it all comes down to the treatment of the poor, suffering, apparently enslaved Differently Animated wights. I feel for them. It’s not fun having bosses who mistreat you, even more so when they command dark powers beyond human ken.

In the meantime, to learn more about these harmful work relationships, check out ‘Helpless’:

What Makes an Anti-Zombie Author Hate the Undead?

Posted By on April 10, 2011

A response to this post at The Zombie Feed.

What is it that makes an author write a story attacking the Differently Animated?

Sure, there’s the monetary angle, the fact that Anti-Zombie fiction is hot now and therefore it’s easier to get published, and the nasty anti-social tendencies of writers in general. (I know from experience). But the theory I’ve always found most convincing is that these people fundamentally don’t like humanity, and need an acceptable outlet for their misanthropy: recognition of our common humanity doesn’t aid these individuals. It’s a terrifying thing that your friend, who has followed you home, slept over on your couch, waited for you to get off work to share some beers, might one day stop talking to you, suddenly want to hurt you. With Anti-Zombie fiction though, it isn’t just about your friend; it’s your neighbor, your dog, your sister, your husband. They no longer know you, care about you or want to protect you. You’re a victim, nothing more. You’ve been reduced to prey, even by those who you believe should most want to protect you. And none of it’s your fault or personal failing. It’s all the ‘Zombie Apocalypse’.

Anti-Zombie authors are terrifying to me at least because they’ve suddenly lost their sense of empathy, and therefore their ability to care about their characters. The omnipresent Anti-Zombie types will always say that, ‘Zombies aren’t people, you can’t care about a Zombie’, that if you show compassion to the Undead you’ll just get eaten for your trouble: the Anti-Zombie author, however, takes this trope to a whole new level. How much harder must it be to create a world where someone shoots their 12 year old son for being a Zombie than it is simply to read about such a world? How much harder to make a fictional man of your own creation leave his wife behind, even as she begs him not to leave her alone as she dies, because she’ll attack him in minutes? While these fictional Zombies discard their personal relationships at death, the Anti-Zombie author is the one who leaves their created Survivors the heartbroken ruins of those relationships and inflicts upon them the terror of running from the very people they once loved.

This psychologically damaged behavior is one of the things I want to address with The Zombie Rights Campaign and our ZRC blog. As a society we’ve lost a lot in the recent Anti-Zombie craze, but the deepest scars are those on a shared literature that no longer exists, full of empathy and compassion for its creations. Civilization has always relied on a certain ability to understand the Other. Loners and iconoclasts just don’t supply the building blocks for a better world. But when there is only Anti-Zombie fiction left, and very little of it even readable, who can you turn to for reinforcing and training that ability? How do you come to terms with both the flood of Anti-Zombie hate literature washing over our shelves and then the self-inflicted wounds our culture obtains by reading it in order to keep current in break-room conversation?

The ZRC is at its core an organization about relationships, and we look not only at the an author’s relationship to their readers, but also to the fellow authors around them, and an author’s relationship with their conscience after creating yet another world that nearly came to a blood-splattered end, as well as their relationships with children who should grow up in a better world than the one they’re helping to create. What struck me most when I first started addressing this wave of fiction was the permeating loneliness not just Zombies might feel in a world that so often rejects them, but the sickening desire a creator must have to inflict this pain on helpless others, and the desire they would have to have to try and create meaning out of the bloody chunks of narrative they vomit in our collective laps. What is the destiny of an author left with nothing to write about but Zombies they hate, and no one to write for but Anti-Zombie fans? What about the Zombies themselves? After all, Zombies are people too. Do they remember everyone who insinuates that they consumed their families, friends and neighbors? Must the sin of the fictional walking corpse after death make a mark against the real life souls who inhabit our society without pulses? And what about the Living people, seduced into to evolving a new, harder set of rules to live by that rule out co-existence with the Differently Animated, in exchange for mere survival? These are the kinds of things that haunt The Zombie Rights Campaign, an organization desperate to find a path toward mutual understanding in a world of Anti-Zombie hate.

The ZRC Reviews ‘High School of the Dead’

Posted By on April 8, 2011

I watched ‘High School of the Dead’ a while ago actually, and then completely forgot to review it, because the sheer, steaming, reeking *awfulness* of it must have scoured my mind clear of willpower and left me desperately trying to develop amnesia through force of will.

Then BuyZombie had to dredge up the painful memories today:

Now I’ll be honest, I’m not ‘overly’ familiar with this anime/manga series. I know it exists. I know it’s supposed to be pretty damn good – that’s about all I can say on it though. However that being the case – fans of the show should love the simplicity of this shirt to be able to feature a series they are a fan of!

The shirt in question is at Think Geek, and…

My first thought is, ‘Is this actually licensed, or are they just knocking off what is surely a trademarked phrase and hoping not to get sued?’

My additional thoughts were, ‘What, precisely, is this shirt supposed to be? The high school had a name, it’s not like these kids went to school every day at ‘High School of the Dead’. So it’s a shirt that claims to be the property of… the show? But stylized like it’s a piece of athletic equipment, which logically should belong to a school? Then of course, there’s the fact that it’s in English, and modeled on an American cliche; do they even mark equipment that way in Japan?’

Oh yes, and of course, it’s Anti-Zombie. But it’s referencing ‘High School of the Dead’, which makes it far worse than just hating on Zombies.

Because ‘High School of the Dead’ is a plague, a plague on civilization. A plague on intelligent life. A curse, suitable for vengeful Old Testament God to inflict on his wayward children, only I know for a fact that it came out of an anime studio, not the heavens.

(Madhouse, for you anime fans amongst our readership. They’ve done all kinds of stuff over the years that didn’t completely suck; this isn’t one of those things.)

Uggh. Let’s start by saying that, yes, ‘High School of the Dead’ is an ugly, Living Supremacist take on the ‘Zombie Apocalypse’. One day, for no reason, people start getting sick, dying, coming back as something like Zombies, and attacking others, who then come back, who then attack others, lather rinse repeat. So you can expect lavish attention to be paid to gratuitous, gruesome violence against the Differently Animated, and naturally this is presented as being both necessary and proper behavior.

Of course, if that was all there was, it wouldn’t have produced quite the reaction it did. Quite frankly I’ve seen enough Living Supremacist media to be able to steel myself to it a bit by now. No, ‘High School of the Dead’ goes beyond hating just Zombies. It hates men, it hates women, it hates liberals, it hates people generally, and it passionately despises modern society.

‘High School of the Dead’ also hates grammar; they abbreviate the series as ‘H.O.T.D.’, which is just plain wrong.

Basically, let me sum up the show for you. An everyman cipher character becomes a hero when the evil Zombies, always referred to as ‘Them’, at least in translation, overrun the planet in about an hour. He does this by beating the Undead about the face and head with a baseball bat. Meanwhile, an ever-larger series of women, with ever more enormous, cartoonishly animated breasts, literally fall all over him, along with one sad, military-geek nerd who I can only assume is a stand-in for the sad, militarily obsessed author of the original manga.

The show doesn’t objectify women; it treats objects with far more respect. Especially guns. Oh man. The NRA would probably love this show as propaganda, except that every time a gun goes off some teenage girl’s enormous breasts are flopping around, and they tend to run a bit in the blue-hair crowd at the NRA.

No, women are less than objects. They’re anime stereotypes, here to bounce, flop over, occasionally remark on how useless they are or how they need a man to have meaning in their lives. Literally. The swordswoman in particular is fond of saying that she lives for a man. Not a specific guy; she doesn’t initially have one, though of course, she falls for the male lead in the end. No; just any man will do. Then you have the mouthy pushy nerd (some people would call her the ‘Asuka’, as in Evangelion, but that’s too mean by far for Eva fans). The mousy best-friend-wants-to-be-more. The ditzy blond nurse with the absolutely ENORMOUS chest endowment. Who falls over a lot. When she moves, the show actually makes a ‘boing! boing!’ noise.

I’m not kidding. She has wacky boob sound effects.

About now, you’re probably thinking I’m exaggerating when I say that ‘H.O.T.D.’ exists almost exclusively to slavishly cater to the crassest possible combination of cheesy juvenile sexuality and pointless violence. That’s all right; I get your skepticism.

So I’ve got a video to show you.

Back? Done vomiting yet? I sat through an entire *season* of that for you, loyal readers.

It gets worse, if you can believe it. For one thing, the quasi-Zombies, the ‘Them’ who are so cruelly mistreated by the alleged protagonists? They’re all blind.

Yes, that’s right; not only are they picking on the Undead, they’re picking on the blind Undead. What’s next, drive-bys at deaf schools because they can’t hear the cars coming?

Oh, and by the way, the show is peppered with fairly extreme right-wing propaganda, particularly on gender relations, but also politics in general. See, the original manga pushes extreme right-wing Japanese politics heavily; they toned it down a bit for the tv show… but not that much.

There’s an extended story arc where the extremely wealthy, extremely, well, traditional-aka-fascistic father of one of the characters lets them take shelter in his castle-cum-house, which he rules with an iron fist and a sharp katana. There are a lot of digs at the Japanese government that still make their way into the anime, as well as constant demonstrations of how hard-nosed crypto-fascism is a noble way to survive the apocalypse. Not to worry though, commoners; if you have a strong feudal lord, you can die to protect them from the Zombies.

Between that and the female characters being ditzy, annoying, or unhinged (the swordswoman, Saeko Busujima, is a legitimate psycho who is sexually aroused by murder. Not making that up), not to mention Saeko constantly talking about how a girl’s role in life is to serve a man… yeah. This show is sick on a half dozen levels.

In summary: ‘High School of the Dead’ is a nauseating exercise in tawdry violence against poor, almost defenseless and actually blind Differently Animated mixed with grating ultra-right wing politics and near-constant debasement of women. It will eat at your heart and soul. You’ve watched the Youtube video; that is all you will ever need to see to understand this show.

Go now, and be free of its awful influence.

‘High School of the Dead’ is rated Living Supremacist because it is an awful pile of violent Zombie-hating dreck.

Hated it sooo much.

The Zombie Rights Campaign Welcomes Paul Soglin, Our Zombie Tolerant New Mayor

Posted By on April 7, 2011

The Zombie Rights Campaign was, as previously noted here on the blog, very pleased to have two Zombie Tolerant mayoral candidates in the Madison election.

Well, on Tuesday night, after a very close contest, Paul Soglin won the election:

Maybe he is mayor for life.

In a scenario unlikely only a few months ago, former Mayor Paul Soglin on Tuesday stunned two-term incumbent Mayor Dave Cieslewicz to recapture the office he has held longer than anyone in city history.

It’s worth noting that Soglin gave a very strong statement of support for Zombies only days before the polls closed, after his heavily publicized appearance at the Zombie Walk:

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Given this, we have to wonder: did the Zombie vote make the critical difference, and did Soglin’s arguably stronger support for the Differently Animated sway them to his side?

Sadly, the ZRC did not have the resources to do exit polling, so perhaps this is a question we can never answer. Still, it was a momentous election indeed and a major step forward for The Cause.

Congratulations, Mayor-elect Soglin. We look forward to working with you in implementing your bold Pro-Zombie agenda.

Incredibly Detailed, Incredibly Flawed Piece on ‘Zombies’ in the Whedonverse

Posted By on April 6, 2011

First, let me say, wow. This is one of the densest and most complicated analyses of Zombie media I’ve ever seen.

Second, of course, I have to say that it’s very deeply flawed and obviously incorrect on a number of points.

This PopMatters article, entitled ‘Zombies, Reavers, Butchers, and Actuals in Joss Whedon’s Work’, by Gerry Canavan, attemps to tease out the relationship of noted science-fiction/horror auteur Joss Whedon to the Undead, and more specifically, Zombies:

For all the standard horror movie monsters Joss Whedon took up in Buffy and Angel—vampires, of course, but also ghosts, demons, werewolves, witches, Frankenstein’s monster, the Devil, mummies, haunted puppets, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, the “bad boyfriend,” and so on—you’d think there would have been more zombies. In twelve years of television across both series zombies appear in only a handful of episodes.

A list of episodes and brief appearances follows, then he continues with:

That’s about it—and most of these don’t even really count as zombies at all. Many can talk, and most exhibit a capacity for complex reasoning and decision-making that is totally antithetical to the zombie myth. Not a one of these so-called zombies seems especially interested in devouring our heroes’ delicious flesh. Of the aforementioned episodes only “Dead Man’s Party” and “Habeas Corpses” really come close to evoking the wonderfully claustrophobic adrenaline rush of the shambling, groaning zombie horde that has become so popular in American horror since George Romero’s genre-establishing Night of the Living Dead series: a small group of people, desperately hiding within a confined, fortified space, with nowhere to run and no hope for survival when the zombies finally penetrate their defenses.

You begin to see the problem right away; although this article does go to pains to talk in some depth about Voodoo ‘zombi’ vs the Romero conception, it operates under a devastatingly critical flaw, even putting aside the fact that, yet AGAIN, a scholar has decided to discuss Zombies on screen with no mention of their actual status in society:

Canavan, and many others, think Romero is the Alpha and the Omega of American Pop Culture Zombiedom.

Even when he’s not.

Let me explain. Americans have an idea of what constitutes a ‘Zombie’. They also know that this idea comes from George Romero. The fact that many of the things they ascribe to their mental picture of a ‘Zombie’ are not, in fact, from the fertile mind of George Romero has no bearing on the matter; they know ‘Zombies’, and they know that they came from Romero.

Even when they didn’t.

First, despite his admiration for Romero, Whedon seems to exhibit a strong preference for the original Haitian zombi—a nightmarish transfiguration of slavery into a curse that continues even after death—over George Romero’s mindless, ravenous consumer of flesh. The American horror zombie is a corpse without a mind, wandering aimlessly in search of food and governed by pure instinct; the zombi, in contrast, is only sometimes a revivified corpse, and is more commonly a traumatized but still living person whose will has been replaced with the will of the zombie master and whose body has been put to work. Whedon fairly frequently makes his characters pedants on this point; in “Some Assembly Required” Giles scolds Xander when he suggests that zombies might feed on the living, and Wesley does the same thing to Gunn in Angel’s “Provider” (3.12), dismissing flesh-eating as a myth (though Wesley’s zombies still “mangle, mutilate, and occasionally wear human flesh”). Anya says it again in Buffy Season Six’s “Bargaining, Part I,” when Xander speculates that their resurrection spell might have accidentally turned Buffy into a zombie who will attempt to eat their brains: “Zombies don’t eat brains, anyway, unless instructed to by their zombie masters. Lotta of people get that wrong.” (Alas, Romero!)

And here we begin to see, yet again, the point where reality diverges from the critical and pop-cultural conception of the world, because most of these points are not, in fact, from George Romero.

Romero’s an Anti-Zombie bigot, don’t get me wrong, a Living Supremacist of the lowliest form, but.. these are not *his* Zombies.

Let’s start with the obvious: Romero Zombies don’t eat brains. How do I know this? Well, firstly, from having seen every single Romero depiction of ‘Zombies’ multiple times, from ‘Night of the Living Dead’ to ‘Survival of the Dead’, plus ‘Creepshow’, which has some very, very different Undead that stand as outliers in his work.

But also because George Romero told the whole world that his Zombies don’t eat brains, in an interview with Vanity Fair that ran under the title of, and I swear I’m not making this up, ‘George A. Romero: “Who Says Zombies Eat Brains?”‘:

Eric Spitznagel: To paraphrase Freud, sometimes things have symbolism and sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Are the zombies in your movies always a metaphor, or are they sometimes just bloodthirsty walking corpses?

George Romero: To me, the zombies have always just been zombies. They’ve always been a cigar. When I first made Night of the Living Dead, it got analyzed and overanalyzed way out of proportion. The zombies were written about as if they represented Nixon’s Silent Majority or whatever. But I never thought about it that way. My stories are about humans and how they react, or fail to react, or react stupidly. I’m pointing the finger at us, not at the zombies. I try to respect and sympathize with the zombies as much as possible. (Laughs.)

Zombies have a weird fixation with eating human flesh and brains. What is it about being undead that makes somebody so ravenous?

First of all, why does everybody say that zombies eat brains?

Because… it’s true?

I’ve never had a zombie eat a brain! I don’t know where that comes from. Who says zombies eat brains?

I remember brains being a big zombie menu item in Return of the Living Dead back in the mid-80s, but I’m not sure if that’s where it started.

Whenever I sign autographs, they always ask me, “Write ‘Eat Brains’!” I don’t understand what that means. I’ve never had a zombie eat a brain. But it’s become this landmark thing.

There. Once again, I’m actually forced to help George Romero with his cinematic legacy, just to keep facts straight.

Romero’s Zombies are not what I’ll refer to hereafter as the ‘American Pop Culture Zombie’ at all, and they couldn’t be for Romero’s socially critical style of film-making to work. Zombies themselves, he claims, aren’t metaphorical; they just are. But what *are* they, for Romero? They’re shadows of humanity, and in those shadows we can see pieces of Living society.

Romero’s Zombies want things that Romero’s Living people want: security, company, to go through the motions of day to day life. To eat, naturally, although not brain. They’re portrayed as inferior knockoffs of humanity, but they still have some humanity in them. (Notably, they’re capable of learning, and they evolve over time in his films as the Apocalypse unfolds)

Thus Romero can contrast the negative stereotypes he’s created of Zombies with even *worse* examples of Living humanity, to say, ‘These people are *worse* than monsters.’

Of course, I don’t believe that Romero’s Zombies are entirely free of allegory, contra his interpretation; or to be more precise, the Zombies might be, but the Living characters in his film ascribe meaning to them, most famously consumerism in ‘Dawn of the Dead’.

So what kind of ‘Zombie’ is Mr. Canavan talking about? He’s talking about the American Pop Culture Zombie, of course.

That ‘Zombie’ eats human grey matter, is incapable of learning, and is a savage, rotting corpse that moves around on its own, muttering ‘braaaaaains’ a lot. It is also found in precisely no major works of Anti-Zombie fiction, but almost every academic or pop-academic treatment of Zombies. Like this one.

Sigh.

I mean, Romero’s Zombies form a civilization in ‘Land of the Dead’ and launch an amphibious invasion, and people still think that Romero Zombies are completely mindless.

So Mr. Canavan’s looking for a kind of Zombie that doesn’t exist in a series that wasn’t about them, and then using their absence as part of a theory about why Joss Whedon doesn’t utilize the American Pop Culture Zombie stereotype, which basically nobody ever has, since it only exists in the zeitgeist and not in any actual major iconic Zombie production.

Which leads to paragraphs like this:

That scene—like countless later scenes featuring such lovable and charismatic vampires as Angel, Spike, Drusilla, Dracula, The Master, Harmony, Mister Trick, and Holden—just wouldn’t work if a dead-eyed, lurching Darla were groaning incoherently, covered in pus and blood, her skin falling off. This is the difference between vampires and zombies: despite superficial similarities in appetite, bad skin, and ghastly undeath, vampires are characters, they are agents, they are (despite everything else) people. The popularity of the vampire as a figure for both transgressive heterosexual lust and queer sexuality—both on Buffy and in popular successors like True Blood—could never be located in the zombie, as the zombie is never a possible point of identification or romance but is always hopelessly, permanently, intractably Other. The Hollywood zombie popularized by Romero is not a person but a force of nature: it can’t be reasoned with, it certainly can’t seduce us, and it cannot ever be redeemed. It doesn’t want anything but to gnaw on your bones.

Again, Romero’s Zombies aren’t like that. Take Bub, from ‘Day of the Dead’:

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Bub isn’t just capable of learning, he has actual human feelings, which most of the deeply disturbed Living characters lack. Notably, in the entire movie, he’s the only one who mourns the death of another person:

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Vampires, of course, are not always ‘agents’ in fiction either. Indeed, as Canavan notes, Whedon is inconsistent on this point throughout his Buffy/Angel runs, with vampires being characters seemingly whenever it was more interesting to write them that way.

From there the piece goes on to formulate a grand theory of Whedon’s writing and characterization, which is not really relevant here, and then to analyze subsequent character types in ‘Firefly’ and ‘Dollhouse’ as if they were Zombies, which is interesting at times, and at times is a real stretch. The post-modern Manchurian Candidates in ‘Dollhouse’ strike me less as an image of Zombiism than as the dark mirror image of posthumanity in Cory Doctorow’s fiction (‘Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom’ for example); a kind of human being so changed by technology and circumstance that they’re people, but not people we can really connect with from our side of the Singularity, and who might not have much use for us. A Zombie is a person in a fundamentally non-conventional form, hence ‘Differently Animated’, whereas a Doll is a conventional human form with something else inside, a person perhaps, but not one we understand. I guess. I never watched the show, I’m cribbing on that one a bit.

‘Firefly’ of course has the Reavers, who also don’t resemble conventional Zombies of any sort to me. They’re much more like a Lovecraftian plague of insanity, a cursed tribe of once-people who have fallen sway under a god of madness; Innsmouth by way of the stars. They’re not biologically Different from baseline humans; they’re just nuts. Really, really nuts. Stared into the face of uncaring God nuts.

In all these cases, Canavan tries to fit the varyingly shaped puzzle pieces of Whedon alt-humanity into the spot he, and millions of other Americans, have carved out in their head for ‘Zombie’, and of course fails. Along the way you get gems like this:

In accordance with this political prehistory of the zombie, the last hour of Serenity is one long, continuous reprisal of that ubiquitous scene in zombie cinema in which a live human must attempt to pass for a dead one in order to escape an otherwise hopeless situation—only our characters aren’t exactly pretending.

Ubiquitous? Really? It’s not in any Romero Zombie film, it’s not in Raimi’s work or Boyle’s, it’s not in ‘Return of the Living Dead’, it’s not in any major Zombie videogame that I know of. It is in several very *recent* Anti-Zombie products; “Shaun of the Dead”, “The Walking Dead” and so forth, parodied perhaps in “Deadpool: Merc with a Mouth”. But, again, it’s hard to think of any seminal work of Zombie cinema from before the end of the millenium where this is a major plot element.

It is rapidly becoming a component of the mainstream American Zombie mythos, however.

As the vanguard of the Zombie Rights Movement, the ZRC sees and consumes a lot, and I mean a *lot* of Zombie related media, and the thing that has been most striking, beyond the appalling lack of sympathy found in most of it, is the sheer variety. There is no one type of fictional Zombie, for good or bad, even in just one country, like the United States. Yet time after time after time we’ve run across people who are utterly convinced of this unifying, counterfactual scenario, and certain that they know what a ‘Zombie’ should be. They usually cite the same movies and influences, almost always Romero, and, like Mr. Canavan, they’re almost invariably wrong, not just on the overall concept, but about their specific citations.

Which is why George Romero goes on record with Vanity Fair in exasperation about how often he has to correct his own supposed fans.

Does no one actually watch, or play, or read the Anti-Zombie media they consume, except for us? I’m beginning to wonder. Perhaps it’s less like entertainment and more like a palliative, where academics and laypeople alike take hits to assuage some craving or remove some pain that they don’t understand, and then ignore everything that happens in front of them which doesn’t conform to the idea they had before they ever picked up the DVD, bought the tickets or opened the book.

If so, analyses like ‘Zombies, Reavers, Butchers, and Actuals in Joss Whedon’s Work’ aren’t about Zombies, or about American Pop Culture Zombies, or about Zombie fiction creators. They’re about a societal mass that has retreated almost entirely into self-indulgence, a cheerless exercise in mental masturbation, cued in almost Skinnerian fashion by a stimulus they label ‘Zombie’ after the fact.

‘Play Dead’ Gets Zombie Apocalypse in Your Animal Movie

Posted By on April 6, 2011

I really need to start a list of all the genres that haven’t been crossed with the Zombie Apocalypse meme yet and check them off as new projects are announced. It’d be like playing Bingo, only even more grim and depressing:

A zombie apocalypse unites a ragtag pack of dogs in the ruined streets of Miami. Immune to the epidemic, they must stick together to survive in the midst of ferocious undead and human survivors. Sit. Stay. Play dead…

We are a group of local filmmakers in Miami commissioned by the Borscht Film Festival (www.Borscht.info) to write and shoot a short film that tells a unique Miami story. We’ve always been influenced by the roller coaster thrills of a good horror movie and the classic storytelling themes repeated in some of our favorite Disney films. We finally decided to blend those two concepts together, and what came out of it is our most ambitious project to date: Play Dead.

Zombies roam the streets in the days and nights following a horrific new virus which is wreaking havoc in Miami. Pitched gun battles and burning streets provide a backdrop for a ragtag band of dogs who are determined to survive.

From what the ZRC’s good friend Tom has been telling us over the years, Miami’s halfway to Post-Apocalyptic without any mysterious Zombie virus, so I’m not sure why they needed to add the Differently Animated as villains.

Except, obviously, to try and cash in.

If you’re really eager to see the worst attributes of Anti-Zombie violence combined with syrupy and implausible animals-as-characters action, then you finally have a place to park your money at the ‘Play Dead’ Kickstarter page.

It’s as if the Zack Snyder ‘Dawn of the Dead’ got mashed up with ‘Homeward Bound’. Seeing this for the ZRC just might mean the end of me.

I’ve embedded the trailer below to share the pain with others.

The ZRC Responds to Harcos Labs

Posted By on April 6, 2011

Today the ZRC got a surprise via Twitter and Facebook: Harcos Labs, infamous makers of ‘Zombie Blood’ and ‘Zombie Jerky’ snack products, also known for their Anti-Zombie propaganda videos, had decided to issue a response to our critique of their Youtube campaign.

Harcos:

Harcos Labs Responds to Zombie Rights Campaign’s Accusation
Zombie-friendly laboratory discusses newest promotional series

SANTA MONICA, Calif. – April 6, 2011 – In a post published on March 26th, the Zombie Rights Campaign publicly shamed Harcos Laboratories for both their portrayal of zombies in the video series “10 Second Zombie” and their products Zombie Blood Energy Potion and Zombie Jerky. Harcos Laboratories executives are taking the time to correct Zombie Rights Campaign’s outlandish accusations.

“When I saw the Zombie Rights Campaign’s reaction to our series, I was shocked,” said Jon Brence, resident zombie documentarian at Harcos Labs. “I am confident that every video we produce showcases zombies in a realistic and unaltered manner, void of prejudice or ill intent.”

“Braaaaains?” said resident zombie 2315 at Harcos Labs, presumably showing his support for Harcos’s ethical treatment of zombies and fair portrayal of his species plight. Resident zombies 2316 and 2458 espoused similar reactions before being led into a harvesting chamber in the back of Harcos Lab’s Santa Monica facility.

First, note that this company claims to be ‘Zombie-friendly’ while incarcerating the Differently Animated in their lab in order to ‘harvest’ them to produce Zombie-flavored snack products. The cognitive dissonance of thinking that you can be friendly to someone while holding them in a cage to use their bodily fluids as seasoning is astounding.

It’s not like they go to great lengths to hide their cruelty; in fact, Harcos brags about their mistreatment of the Differently Animated:

Q: Are your zombies humanely treated?

A: Is “humane” the word you’re really looking for? Our zombies are treated with the utmost respect and care deserving of the undead. While it is true that they are kept in cages, there is plenty of room for them to wobble back and forth and lurch toward passers by. We learned early on that manacles and chains are unnecessary and can pull off valuable limbs. We use only biodegradable bedding materials such as corn husks, oat hulls, and wood chips.

Q: How is Zombie Blood extracted?

A: Zombie Blood is extracted using the safest and most humane methods known. When it’s a zombie’s turn to be milked, it is walked down to our extraction lab. There, a trained phlebotomist straps down the zombie, carefully cleans either a remaining patch of skin, or a vein directly, and inserts a standard IV needle. Less than 2 pints of blood are extracted in each session. The zombie is given a cookie and some orange juice, and then walked back to its cage.

Alongside this terrifying description of their blood-letting gulag is a picture of an adorable Zombie child in a cage.

Even worse, though it’s hard to fathom something worse than draining the blood from Undead children to make an energy drink sold at Hot Topic, is their ‘Zombie Jerky’ and the callous manner in which they sell Zombie flesh as foodstuffs:

Q: Will I be considered a cannibal if I eat this jerky?

A:When a zombie eats a human is it considered cannibalism? Nope. A majority of our Facebook fans believe the exact same thing towards eating zombies. So at least among those on Facebook you will be embraced and not considered a cannibal. As one of our fans (Neven) said in response to this very question: “No. It makes you AWESOME.”

I assure you, potential Harcos labs customers, you are in fact cannibals if you consume the flesh of human beings. It doesn’t matter if you only eat Zombies any more than if you only ate the Irish; Zombies (and of course the Irish) are people too.

Don’t even get me started on the obviously cruel manner in which they refer to their Zombie captives by number. Zombies are not numbers; they are free men, and women, and children.

Their attempt to counteract our criticism is far from convincing, however. Observe:

In response to the concern over their treatment of the undead, Harcos Labs is offering to ship a zombie in a box to the Zombie Rights Campaign officers for free, so that they may become educated in the actual behaviors of a real zombie. Harcos also hopes the zombie eats their pets.

“You realize most people shoot them in the face, right? Seriously, that’s not a high bar to get over. We’re practically saints,” said Aaron Rasmussen, co-founder at Harcos Labs. “I am confident that the Zombie Rights Campaign will recognize Harcos Labs as an ethical zombie processing facility once they become more educated about real zombie behavior.”

We’re actually quite familiar with ‘real zombie behavior’, Mr. Rasmussen; we observe it on a regular basis. In fact, here in Madison, Zombies are respected and valued for their contributions to our community.

Harcos Labs could learn something by observing the Zombie citizens of Madison peacefully making their voices heard last Saturday in a protest march downtown:

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Not only was this gathering approved by the city, our police forces fully supported the right of the Differently Animated to make themselves heard and participate in the political process:

One of the people smiling was Capt. Carl Gloede of the Capitol Police, who seemed to greatly enjoy the gory spectacle. “It’s another unique Saturday afternoon,” he said.

Capt. Gloede affirmed that the zombies had a permit to march and were being very cooperative.

What’s more, Zombies are considered not just citizens with rights, but a valuable voting demographic here in Madison, as both candidates in our recent and hotly-contested mayoral election made appearances at the rally to speak with their Zombie constituency:
Mayor Dave of Madison with some of his Undead constituents.
(Mayor Dave Cieslewicz stops for a photo-op with Zombie Walk participants)

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(former and now future Mayor Paul Soglin talks about the issues with potential Zombie voters)

In fact, now-victorious, then-candidate Paul Soglin called for adding the Undead in general, and Zombies in specific, to the city’s anti-discrimination laws:

Was the Zombie vote the deciding factor in Soglin’s narrow victory, given his strong statements of support in favor of Zombie Rights? We don’t presume to judge, here at the ZRC. However it’s worth noting that a strong Pro-Zombie position certainly did not *hurt* Soglin’s campaign.

That, in a nutshell, is what cruel Zombiesploitation merchants Harcos Labs do not want you to see. Given a chance to participate in the public sphere, protected by Civil Rights, Zombies are far more than green-tinted livestock suitable only for processing into energy drinks and jerky. Zombies, thus liberated, are a valuable part of the social fabric: workers, families, citizens and voters, helping hold America together despite the vicious prejudice and outright violence directed against them by those following the lead of your Romeros, Boyles and, yes, Harcos Labs.

So we reiterate: for shame, Harcos Labs. For shame.

PS: As for their no doubt made-in-jest offer to mail the ZRC a Zombie ‘in a box’, the ZRC must decline, unless more human travel accommodations can be made; I’m fairly sure that it isn’t legal to ship a person as freight here in the United States. As a socially responsible advocacy organization we can’t condone human trafficking in any form.

However, if said reasonable and humane accommodations are made, say by normal commercial transit, we would be happy to liberate a Zombie from their clutches.

‘Dead Island’ a Cross of ‘Left 4 Dead’ and ‘Dead Rising’?

Posted By on April 5, 2011

I don’t suppose you can expect a *ton* of originality from yet another ‘Zombie Apocalypse’ game:

Dead Island lies somewhere in the middle of the zombie market’s two big darlings: Left 4 Dead and Dead Rising. Like Valve’s masterpiece it’s a first-person adventure with four player coop features.

But instead of making Dead Island a frenetic shooting gallery, Techland’s focused more on desperate survival gameplay by forcing you to scrape together whatever melée weapons you can find.

The weapons break, ala ‘Dead Rising’, and you learn special Anti-Zombie moves by gaining experience, ala ‘Dead Rising’, and… yeah. I’m seeing a lot of derivation here, and I’m not the only one:

Another feature nabbed from Dead Rising, but there’s no harm in borrowing from the best. Once you’ve started levelling up you’ll take on missions that send you deeper into the island.

An interesting definition of ‘the best’. ‘Most offensive’ I might give you, but, ‘the best’? ‘Dead Rising’ sales have always been lower than, say, ‘Resident Evil’ and I think the games struggle to maintain a coherent narrative or tone, usually failing. Really it is a game built around an engine, a sandbox to indulge violence against the Differently Animated without a great deal of depth. Even amongst Anti-Zom games, it’s cotton candy at best.

Cotton candy that tastes like oppression.

I guess we’ll see if this hybrid can dethrone either of its obvious progenitors from their respective thrones when it comes out, however.