The Zombie Rights Campaign Blog

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We hope you'll find this blog an educational, entertaining, and inspiring source of information, whether you're recently undead, a long-time member of the differently animated, or a still-living friend of your fallen, yet risen again, brethren. Everyone with an interest in zombie rights is welcome!

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Snowpocalypse 2011

Posted By on February 2, 2011

We are *seriously* snowbound here, heh.

Take a gander; these were taken in the last half hour or so:

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(Step outside and you get *this* right in the face. Blustery!)

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(Our neighborhood is disappearing)

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(Time to ditch the mini-SUV and get out the snowshoes, neighbor!)

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(Yeah.. that’s the front of our garage)

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(Front door only opens partway now)

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(Don’t be like me and step onto the snowy front porch thinking that’s solid; the snow’s several inches deep *under* the door now and I forgot how low the front stoop is, nearly fell on my face)

New ‘Call of Duty: Black Ops’ DLC Out Today, Features ‘Zombie Monkeys’

Posted By on February 1, 2011

Seriously. First, it’s out (for the Xbox 360 anyway; PS3 owners get to wait due to an exclusivity arrangement). Secondly, the new Anti-Zombie map, which is set in a Soviet facility of some sort, features undead monkeys:

The Ascension map, meanwhile, brings the zombie madness with Soviet zombies along with hordes of zombie monkeys that can steal your perks. That’s right, zombie monkeys.

A video trailer is available here, and yes, it does show some of these poor, victimized Undead simians.

I guess this is where we’re going now, Treyarch? Combining animal cruelty with Anti-Zombie cruelty? You guys are seriously disturbed.

The Split Between Jovovich and ‘Hardcore’ Resident Evil Fans

Posted By on February 1, 2011

Isn’t it just tragic when the Anti-Zombie crowd can’t get along? Witness this, from a recent interview with Milla Jovovich:

Was there a backlash from hardcore fans who were upset that Alice didn’t originate in the game?

Oh yeah, there are, like, 15 people in the world that spend all day really hating me. Like horrifically hating me with a passion. They’re always writing.

I tell them: “Why don’t you just write a script?” But if you ask one hardcore fan about something, they’d disagree with that hardcore fan over there.

Another hardcore fan might think the hunters should have been in the movie. And what are the hunters? They’re big frogs. There are a lot of characters in the Resident Evil games that are not very photogenic.

I love watching her mental gears lurch; she compares inventing a cheesy action hero archetype character for the movies (amnesia? superpowers? clones?) to the decision on whether or not to include a particular type of ‘enemy’ creature that hasn’t been integral to the games since the early 90s at any rate.

Also, she thinks that the reason they weren’t put in the movies is that they’re not ‘photogenic’? Really? And what, RE’s depiction of Zombies makes them look like supermodel brain surgeons?

Oh, poor, poor Milla. You cash big paychecks playing the ultimate in shallow Anti-Zombie superheroes, and then are miffed that not all the twitchy anti-social loners who pay to put their butts in seats ( in between paying to play iterations of the game franchise) care for you.

What a difficult life that must be, compared to, say the lives of the Zombies you defame. Or even the poor Zombie Rights activists who sit through your cinematic abortions, the last one at IMAX price, out of their deep commitment to The Cause.

Rest assured though; we here at the ZRC didn’t spend all day hating you. Today it was, like, five minutes tops.

H/T to BuyZombie with whom we had a great conversation on Twitter about Ms. Jovovich’s broad range of acting/smirking.

Someone Really Got Paid for This? The ZRC Samples/Reviews “Every Zombie Eats Somebody Sometime”

Posted By on February 1, 2011

Keep in mind at the outset that everything in this review stems from a perusal of the sample material from ‘Every Zombie Eats Somebody Sometime’ available here; I have not, nor will I ever, read the full book, unless I am somehow abducted and forced into an Orwellian nightmare of interrogation, at which point, this book might well be in my personal Room 101.

Let’s start with the obvious: ‘Every Zombie Eats Somebody Sometime’ is a very Anti-Zombie book, full of negative stereotypes and hateful imagery. If you had any doubt that it was written by a backward, retrograde Living Supremacist, let me assure you the introduction puts any such fears to rest:

Disgusting.

That level of hatred is rare, even in our unenlightened age, and it’s usually fashionable to at least *pretend* you’re forced, somehow, into your distaste for the Differently Animated.

Whereas Michael P. Spradlin, author of this odious tome, wears it as a badge of pride.

If you’re thinking that maybe this hatred at least inspires some highly original comedic material, I think I can put that fear to rest as well:

Really? A Keith Richards is a Zombie joke? What year is this, anyway?

Yes, Keith Richards is a Zombie, because he looks somewhat gaunt, har har har.

Hilarious!

For the record, if Mr. Richards did happen to be a Zombie, and we have no evidence to that effect here at The Zombie Rights Campaign, we would in fact be very happy to welcome him to the movement. I mean, can you imagine the PSAs we could do? An enormously talented, famous musician, not to mention a wealthy potential patron for The Cause? Sweet.

Ok, you might argue, what about the actual ‘songs’?

Well, first, they’re not very good. I read better filk parodies for free on the Skin Horse archives/discussion page at Webcomics Nation, on a regular basis.

Second, they’re viciously Anti-Zombie in much the same way as the introduction. Take a peek:

....

Yeah.. wow. Can you imagine plunking down hard-earned money for that?

From the sample alone (and I dearly thank the publisher, if not for actually printing this thing, then at least for sparing me any need whatsoever to *purchase* it), the ZRC feels comfortable in giving the book a rating, if not for its complete content then for its readily apparent Anti-Zombie stance.

Thus, ‘Every Zombie Eats Somebody Sometime’ earns our mark of shame and opprobrium, the dreaded Living Supremacist rating.

Hateful and annoying.

If you listen closely I think you can hear Mr. Spradlin furiously typing away at his next sad attempt to cash-in on the current Anti-Zombie craze. Perhaps a cookbook is in order? I mean, you can just crib the recipes from public domain works then give them Zombified names and..

Wait. Why am I helping? Forget I said that last bit.

Metallica Still Makes Music Videos, Doesn’t Care for Zombies

Posted By on January 31, 2011

I can’t embed it here (no doubt because they fear criticism) but Metallica apparently put out a video some time ago for a song ‘cleverly’ called ‘All Nightmare Long’ – and it’s very Anti-Zombie.

I learned this from a morning DJ who was raving about how ‘cool’ it was after playing the tune on the way back from taking the art director to her day job today. While we’re on the topic, can anyone tell me why rock stations are so fixated on Metallica? I mean they seemed cool when I was in junior high but, honestly? Dethklok kicks their butt, and Dethklok is an entirely *fictional* band.

The conceit of the song is that the phrase ‘all nightmare long’ is a really, really clever pun, so it should be repeated about fifteen times; the conceit of the video is that, in some alternate history, the Tunguska event wasn’t a meteor or asteroid, but a volcano.. .that erupted.. Zombification spores. The Soviet Union then developed these as an alternative to a nuclear deterrent and had some cockamamie plan to use them on the United States via weather balloons, or something.

Hmm.

Honestly, both the song and the music video might have some campy appeal if they were about, say, 1/4 as long. The video’s visual style recalls Attackazoids, and alternate history is often fun, even if the video is a bit too absurd to take seriously; amongst other things, the Soviet scientists Zombifiy a steak.

Yes; Zombie steak. A T-bone that bites back!

See, they’ve got me doing it too. Uggh.

At any rate, the creation of Zombies is treated by Metallica as a ghastly and unethical scientific experiment, and naturally also as a nefarious scheme to beat back the forces of capitalism (which, one presumes, would NEVER deign to create Zombies).

So now Zombies aren’t just supposedly a threat to America, they’re a threat to Capitalism, and are, in fact, tools of Communism. So says Metallica in their very ‘cool’ video, which has been up since fall of last year and has, at 115k views, about 1/5th as many as Zombie Friendly fan-film Nuka Break.

And about 1/600th as many as Pokerface.

Maybe they can get those numbers up by suing their fans again?

‘Brains for Lunch’: A More Zombie Friendly Book of Haiku?

Posted By on January 30, 2011

After our recent review of ‘Zombie Haiku’, the ZRC was pleasantly surprised to learn that there seems to be a much more Zombie Friendly haiku collection out there, called ‘Brains for Lunch: A Zombie Novel in Haiku?!’ – and it’s even aimed at the next generation, who need positive Zombie stories most of all:

From Booklist
How many stories feature a middle school with a student body composed of zombies, monsters, and regular kids, and how often are such stories told through a series of nearly 100 haiku poems? Loeb, a zombie, is the main character, and he manages to win a poetry competition, develop a crush on the school librarian, and wind up with a regular-kid girlfriend, all despite his taste for human brains. Teachers preparing to introduce their classes to haiku are bound to welcome this outrageous effort. Let’s face it: many kids encountering haiku for the first time aren’t enthralled by descriptions of water droplets on lotus flowers, but lines such as “Ivy tendrils fall / Dark loops splayed across my arm / Hair, not intestines” may pique their interest. Adding loads of zing are the drawings by cartoonist Wilson, the perfect illustrator for a story featuring zombies. A funny, irreverent, and unconventional verse offering that’s sure to find wide curricular appeal. Grades 5-8. –Todd Morning

I’m a bit wary of the gross-out humor, Zombies get a lot of that already, but considering the target audience it might be acceptable to let it slide this time. Otherwise it sounds very promising indeed, and I’m slapping it into the ZRC’s queue for (eventual) review.

Hat tip to BuyZombie for pointing this one out to us.

New Anti-Zombie Facebook Game ‘Zombie Pandemic’

Posted By on January 30, 2011

It appears that Facebook, ever on the watch for new ways to be evil, has decided to ‘innovate’ by allowing an Anti-Zombie social game onto the site:

One of the newest Facebook games that’s gaining a bit of speed (relative to its very young age of just a few days old) is Pixel Pandemic’s appropriately titled Zombie Pandemic. The company describes the game as a survival-horror MMORPG, which places you in the role of a survivor in a zombie-infested city. The entire point of the game is to survive long enough to make it to one of the game’s safehouses, where you can escape the zombie scourge.

As with most other Facebook games, there is a premium element here that would require you to spend real money in order to take advantage of it. Instead of just being a single item or two, however, this premium setup is actually a new membership into the game, allowing you replenish your stamina points 50% faster, further customize your character, create more characters than just one (and all will remain active), and so on. These bonuses are questionable at best, considering that you’ll have to keep renewing your membership over time – it isn’t a one-time deal.

It gets better; in addition to being virulently Anti-Zombie and mercenary, it also demands access to many of your personal details in order to play, including access to your email address from Facebook.

Grr. No thanks; I don’t want to get spam from your MMO to my ZRC account.

Still, it keeps with the theme, doesn’t it?

More International Politics and the Zombie Apocalypse

Posted By on January 30, 2011

We previously dealt with the work of one Daniel Drezner, a foreign policy analyst, professor of international politics at Tufts University’s Fletcher School and hater of Zombies, here on the ZRC blog when he penned a piece on Zombies and international relations for Foreign Policy magazine:

A singular lack of empathy and research into the actual practices of the Differently Animated pervades the work. Popular Anti-Zombie film constitutes almost the entirety of their conceptual understanding of Zombies, and thus, even though such works are hardly consistent in and of themselves (even when confined to the Romero-Russo paradigm), FP uses them to construct a simplistic and hyperviolent picture of the Undead community. Given this simplistic and wholly imagined ‘threat’, simplistic and uncaring responses seem to follow not just logically but necessarily.

Now it seems he has expanded his myopic and prejudicial look at the international relations ‘dilemma’ posed by Zombies into a new book:

What would happen to international politics if the dead rose from the grave and started to eat the living? Daniel Drezner’s groundbreaking book answers the question that other international relations scholars have been too scared to ask. Addressing timely issues with analytical bite, Drezner looks at how well-known theories from international relations might be applied to a war with zombies. Exploring the plots of popular zombie films, songs, and books, Theories of International Relations and Zombies predicts realistic scenarios for the political stage in the face of a zombie threat and considers how valid–or how rotten–such scenarios might be.

If one wants to see how he further misunderstands the Zombie Community in his quest for fame and fortune in the Anti-Zombie Ivory Towers of academia, the book is available on Amazon.com. Tragically, even in the comments at Amazon there is already talk of using this… book… to teach students in International Relations classes. Shameful.

On Penny-Arcade, Self-Censorship and Sensitivity, Plus Our Open Letter to Penny Arcade

Posted By on January 30, 2011

Recently, popular webcomic ‘Penny-Arcade’ pulled a line of merchandise from their stores centered around fictional creatures called ‘Dickwolves’ whose only known attributes were that they were a: wolves and b: raped people. The Dickwolves originated from a comic satirizing the casual way that certain videogame genres interpret moral choices within their universes; ie, a character the player controls is ‘Good’ or ‘Evil’ to the extent they complete largely arbitrary tasks that the game can evaluate, rather than any true, deeper sense of morality (which a videogame cannot evaluate at any rate).

That comic was interpreted by rather humorless people as being a joke about rape, rather than a joke about videogames and their internal mechancis, despite the fact that one of the two characters in the comic was not human but rather a bipedal, clothed, talking Wolf creature.

Because in real life it is frequently the case that magical talking animals fail to stop other mythical creatures from violating human beings.

Penny-Arcade’s official response, in comic, drew humor from this odd fixation on the imaginary misdeeds of a fantasy monster.

Later, the Dickwolves were subsequently re-imagined as a mascot animal of a hypothetical, yet generic, professional sports team (ala the Bulls, the Rams, the Falcons, etc) emblazoned on shirts (like those sold by pro-sports teams):

Mimics the pro sports garment style a bit too well for me.

These shirts in turn offended the previously mentioned humorless individuals even further, and led to, in essence, a call to boycott the Penny Arcade Expo, a gaming-themed convention hosted and organized by the ever-growing Penny-Arcade apparatus.

At which point, Penny-Arcade caved, and has now pulled the shirts from sale:

It’s true that we have decided to remove the Dickwolves shirt from the store. Some people are happy about this but a lot more of you are upset. You think we’ve caved into to pressure from a vocal minority and you’re not entirely wrong. let me at least break down why we did it though.

First of all I would never remove the strip or even apologize for the joke. It’s funny and the fact that some people don’t get it, or are offended by it doesn’t change that.

PAX is a different matter though. We want PAX to be a place were everyone feels welcome and we’ve worked really hard to make that happen. From not allowing booth babes to making sure we have panels that represent all our attendees. When I heard from a few people that the shirt would make them uncomfortable at PAX, that gave me pause. Now whether I think that’s a fair or warranted reaction doesn’t really matter. These were not rants on blogs but personal mails to me from people being very reasonable.

Now for some people removing the shirt isn’t enough. They don’t want to come to PAX or support PA because of the strip or because they think Tycho and I are perpetuating some kind of rape culture and that’s a different matter.

Our thoughts:

1) Caving in to a vocal minority because you’ve upset them, rather than the fact that they changed your mind, opens the door to any other group applying similar pressure in hopes of a similar response (as we shall see shortly).

2) The accusations of promotion of a ‘rape culture’ by selling a shirt with a wolf logo on it are utterly farcical, especially considering that the ‘Dickwolves’ merchandise is itself satirical of the professional sports industry, a real cultural movement/business culture that is, in fact, plagued with actual depravity, violence and abuse, and whose fans often erupt into violence or rioting at the drop of a hat, particularly after big games.

However, the die is now cast, as they say, and The Zombie Rights Campaign is nothing if not punctual, so in the spirit of this capitulation/consideration of a minority point of view, we have decided to strike while the iron is hot with our own reasonable demands, in the hope of receiving similar consideration from these icons of the gaming community:

To Tycho and Gabe, aka Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik:

Greetings from The Zombie Rights Campaign, the world’s premiere and preeminent advocacy group for the rights and concerns of the Differently Animated, who you may better know as ‘Zombies’.

We are writing you today to voice our concerns in light of your recent decision to modify your merchandising operation out of sensitivity toward attendees of your popular gaming convention PAX.

While our organization feels the decision to stop selling the controversial ‘Dickwolves’ merchandise was neither justified nor required by good taste, we applaud your willingness to meet your audience halfway on accomodating minority viewpoints and making the holders of said viewpoints feel at ease.

Toward that end, we are writing you today in the hope of bringing our concerns, no less valid than those voiced over ‘Dickwolves’, to your attention in the hopes of receiving similar consideration.

First, the Zombie Community has long felt slighted, insulted and looked down upon by your comic and your organization. It does not take great effort to provide evidence of these slights and insults (for example, here: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2000/2/4/ or the storyline beginning here: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/8/9/) within your body of work.

Given this obvious animus, it is hard to interpret the sale of this particular garment in anything other than a discriminatory and defamatory light:

Poor liches.

“Life’s a Lich”? The obvious punning of the common name for a subset of the Differently Animated community with the pejorative term ‘bitch’ is bad enough, but considering the treatment of Liches by the gaming and fantasy-oriented communities, the shirt is a borderline call for violence against them, reinforcing (as it does) the concept of a power-mad immortal creature, shambling upon the Earth in blind pursuit of its own eternal ambitions.

‘Where, oh where,’ this garment asks, ‘are the noble adventurers who can put an end to this abomination?’

In truth, they’re usually not far from the poor, innocent Lich, who only wants to shelter their phylactery in peace and continue with their charity work, perhaps the baking of cookies for a local orphanage. (The charity work naturally varies.)

Second, your efforts to promote inclusiveness and tolerance at the PAX conventions is a good first step, but we feel compelled to ask, at this juncture, that in addition to those who feel uncomfortable, rightly or wrong, around ‘Dickwolves’ merchandise, that you consider the many Zombie-Americans (as well as other Zombie nationalities of course) who feel great offense, and even personal threat, from the Anti-Zombie ‘games’ and merchandise often on display at conventions such as your own.

You took the initiative to ban ‘booth babes’; good for you. However, when was the last time a ‘booth babe’ ever made someone fearful for their Unlife? When have ‘booth babes’ ever, even in fiction, slaughtered entire crowds of Undead individuals, say, in a mall or other semi-public space? Is the objectification of paid female models somehow more offensive than the wholesale massacres of the Differently Animated shoved into the public consciousness by the videogaming industry?

We of course know the answer to be ‘No.’

So the Zombie Rights Campaign calls upon you to take similar steps to make Zombies feel at greater ease attending your fine conventions. First, might you consider moving the Anti-Zombie games on offer at future shows into a separate, but functionally equivalent, space on, or even off of, the main floor? Zombies who seek to attend your show and gather news and sneak peeks at, say, the next generation of Wii games or a hands-on trial of the 3DS shouldn’t have to shuffle, downtrodden, between banks of monitors displaying the savage murder of their virtual brethren while caffeine-fueled nerds cheer the carnage on all around.

It’s a distinctly hostile environment for our clients, as you might well imagine, and one that only you have the power to ameliorate.

Finally, your efforts to provide inclusive panels at the conventions is a laudable goal, but we have to ask if you have, in fact, been doing enough to include Zombie Friendly events and personalities at your conventions? Have you given the Zombie subset of the Gaming Community a chance to speak their minds and voice their concerns, as well as air their grievances about an industry that, more than any other, perpetuates negative stereotypes and perceptions of the Differently Animated?

Have you, in fact, done enough to make Zombies and their representatives feel at home at PAX? It’s a question that only you, yourselves, can answer, but I think if you look deep within your hearts, you’ll know there is more, much more, that could be done.

So, to summarize:

1) Penny Arcade as a comic has much to answer for regarding its depiction of the Zombie Community.
2) The sale of the Penny Arcade ‘Life’s a Lich’ shirt should be discontinued immediately as a show of good faith to said Community
3) Greater efforts to include Zombies and their advocates at PAX events should be made in the future.

We look forward to your response and continuing this dialogue, and thank you for your time.

Best Regards,

John J Sears
President of The Zombie Rights Campaign
www.zombierightscampaign.org

ZRC Reviews: ‘Zombie Haiku’ by Ryan Mecum

Posted By on January 29, 2011

Book about ‘Zombies’
Written in Haiku format
Very bigoted.

First, End of the World;
The Narrator is bitten
He becomes Undead.

Gets very hungry,
Acts out worst stereotypes
Eats his own mother.

Wanders the country
To find people to devour
Can’t just eat tofu?

Gripping storyline,
Reading may give you nightmares,
Inspire hatred.

ZRC condemns
This fearmongering volume;
Gets our worst rating:

No haikus here; whew, go prose!

You can purchase Zombie Haiku from Amazon.com, and kick back a little to the ZRC at the same time. Maybe we’ll even do more haikus in response.