Posted By John Sears on January 29, 2011

A dilemma presents itself for those of us in the Zombie Rights Movement, namely, in order to review and evaluate media, events and products for their relative Zombie Friendliness, or to perform outreach or open dialogue, it is often necessary to give money to people and organizations that do not share our goals, or even actively oppose them.

A handy example: when George Romero released his latest ‘Zombie’ movie, Survival of the Dead, the ZRC needed to evaluate it and get a review out as quickly as possible. The only practical method to do this (since for some reason the Anti-Zombie media doesn’t send us screener copies of anything.. suspicious..) was to rent a DRM-laden video download for the Xbox, and so we handed over something like 13 dollars of ZRC money to, well, George Romero and his sinister organization.

But what was the alternative? Not countering his prejudicial propaganda? Not keeping up with the latest innovations in Zombie bashing from the Master of Living Supremacy?

Of course, the situation can turn out quite differently. The Zombie Rights Campaign bought Fallout 3 without any specific hope that it would be Zombie Friendly, and in fact, it was very good for the movement. The specific, character-driven Zombie portrayals in the larger Fallout universe continue to bear fruit for our cause; witness the recent and Zombie Friendly-rated ‘Nuka Break’ short film, for instance.

We imagine that the same is true for those of you who read this site. You care about the Differently Animated, and this same conflict presents itself to you. How can you purchase, in good conscience, potentially (or even definitely) Anti-Zombie products without that gnawing feeling of guilt?

Well, the ZRC thinks it has a solution. We’ve signed up to be a member in the “Amazon Services LLC Associates Program”.

Basically, how it works is this: in the course of doing our daily work on behalf of Zombiekind, we review or discuss a lot.. and I mean, a LOT… of Zombie products that are for sale on internet mega-retailer Amazon.com. Now, thanks to this program, we can provide special links to said products on Amazon.com, and if you feel inclined to purchase them, and click on said links to get to Amazon, we will receive a small amount of the purchase price back. That money will of course go toward advancing The Cause; in particular, it will let us buy more things to review, thus providing more links, and… you get the picture.

It’s Machiavellian in its genius; we can, in effect, use the Romeros of the world against their own evil designs, channeling some of the lucre they earn disparaging our clients into advancing Undead Equality instead. And the best part is, as we gradually make Zombie Friendly media more popular and widespread, supplanting their ‘work’, the same process still functions to line our pocket… err.. bankroll our advocacy.

Muahahaha.

Now for some legalese that I apparently have to post on the site:

The Zombie Rights Campaign is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.”

Ta-da! Compliance achieved. Now to write up some more reviews.

Category: Zombie Media, ZRC News | No Comments »
Tags: Advertising, Zombie Products

Posted By John Sears on January 29, 2011

I’m sure our dedicated and socially conscious readership is aware of the tumultuous events occurring as we speak in Egypt, but for background I’ll attempt to provide a brief summary:

-The dictatorial government of Tunisia, headed by Zine El Abidine Ben Ali, recently collapsed in a sudden and largely unexpected revolution spurred by economic concerns and unemployment combined with hatred of the ludicrously corrupt government (backed, unfortunately, by the United States)
-This revolution is inspiring similar movements across the Middle East, where many countries are ruled by aging dictators like Ben Ali
-In particular, the government of Egypt began to come under increasing pressure from massive street protests this week and has been unable to repress them
-Said government, headed by another dictator, President Hosni Mubarak, attempted to block further protests by severing the nation from the internet, almost entirely, to block social networking sites used by activists
-That hasn’t worked, and the protests continue.
-Meanwhile the Egyptian government is using US provided weapons and a military apparatus largely funded with US aid dollars to brutalize its own people.

What, you might be asking yourself, does this have to do with the plight of the Differently Animated, and why am I telling you this here on the Zombie Rights Campaign?

Well, it’s a matter of Undead Solidarity, something we emphasize here at the ZRC. For in all the news coverage of these dramatic events in Egypt, you know who isn’t getting mentioned, whose difficulties aren’t being addressed by the Mainstream Media?

Mummies.

Think about it; have you heard anything about all the Mummies in Egypt? Who’s looking out for them, for their interests during this crisis?

Well, the natural allies of Mummies would have to be Zombies, and the international Zombie Rights movement is predicated on solidarity with all of the Differently Animated (except Sparkly Vampires). However, the actions of the current regime have cut off our Differently Animated, Thoroughly Bandaged brethren in Egypt from contact with the international community.

Thus, tonight, The Zombie Rights Campaign is officially coming out in support of the largely peaceful protestors in Egypt and calling for the United States to take the chance it squandered in Tunisia to support not just the right of the Living to free speech and assembly, to self-determination in their governments, but also those same rights as exercised by the Mummy population of Egypt.

So please, Zombie Rights enthusiasts, consider signing this petition, calling upon Congress to immediately cut off our military aid to Egypt, money and matériel which is being used to suppress legitimate dissent and free speech, of Living people across Egypt (and, it is reasonable to assume, also Mummies). Pressure from the United States at this critical juncture could make all the difference.

Do it for the Mummies. Think of them as Zombies, But Shy, and Easily Sunburnt.

Category: Uncategorized | No Comments »
Tags: Social Justice

Posted By John Sears on January 28, 2011

Just take a look at this bizarre and colorful cake featuring Zombies, a robot AND a unicorn:

I mean, it has a Robot and a Zombie riding a Unicorn. Awesome, right?

Well.. look closer at the front of the cake:

Isn’t that tragic? Everyone else on the cake is off having fun and this poor fellow, cut in half, can’t get a helping hand?

I’m sorry but that really spoils the mood for me. Couldn’t someone give that cake Zombie a boost?

So on the one hand we like seeing a cake with Zombies not chowing down on Living people, sure, but this cake is also just a bit too sad for any party the ZRC wants to attend, and definitely doesn’t promote Zombie Solidarity the way we’d prefer.

More images at io9, naturally.

Category: Uncategorized | No Comments »
Tags: Social Justice, Zombie Art

Posted By John Sears on January 28, 2011

News from the rumor mill suggests that Kirkman’s Anti-Zombie magnum opus may soon take on videogame form:

1UP is reporting that Telltale Games sent them a mysterious invitation to an event where they will be announcing a video game “based on a just-launched property from the TV and comic book world whose popularity is changing life as some know it.” OK, this doesn’t outright say that it’s Walking Dead, but that description sounds a hell of a lot like WD, plus we can’t think of any other show that is changing life as we know it — that started as a comic.

..

We can’t wait for the scene when the player has to (spoiler) chase around your undead daughter and pull out all of her zombie teeth so you can keep her decaying carcass hidden inside your apartment. Because you still love her! And you know, for points!

Yes. Or how about the several dozen hours of gameplay where you sit around badly fortified locations and squander your time and resources on petty feuds with the rest of your party, who are all basically three cans short of a six-pack to begin with.

On another note entirely, does io9 just recruit Anti-Zombie bigots exclusively now, or is it me? Honestly? Meredith, you are one sick, sick puppy.

Category: Zombie Media | No Comments »
Tags: Robert Kirkman, Television, Videogames

Posted By John Sears on January 28, 2011

It’s distressing to hear news like this:

Two networks are following in The Walking Dead’s footsteps. The CW is developing The Awakening, a show about two sisters dealing with their relationship and a zombie apocalypse. And NBC’s developing a show from McG’s production company, Zombies vs. Vampires.

Really? It’s not bad enough that Zombies take it on the chin to improve basic cable ratings but now we have to see the ‘zombie apocalypse’ on the CW? NBC meanwhile wants to drive a wedge in Pan-Undead Solidarity by pitting Zombies against their more widely accepted Vampire comrades. Typical divide and conquer strategy from The Man.

We here at the ZRC once again call upon all the Undead and the Differently Animated, whether they be Vampires, Zombies, Banshees, Liches or even Dancing Skeletons, to stand together in the spirit of Brotherhood.

Except for Sparkly Vampires, they, as always, can get bent.

Category: Zombie Media | No Comments »
Tags: Mainstream Media, Television

Posted By John Sears on January 28, 2011

In our last update the ZRC happily reviewed a smart, well-written and directed fan take on the world of Fallout 3, which happened to be Zombie Friendly to boot (given the Fallout 3 universe that’s not hugely surprising but was still appreciated).

This time we have a very different web series from Machinima entitled ‘Bite Me’ about a group of Gamers trying to survive, yes, you guessed it, The Zombie Apocalypse.

“Bite Me” is the polar opposite of “Fallout: Nuka Break” in almost every conceivable way. While Nuka Break was beautifully shot and cleverly used a minimum number of unobtrusive effects, “Bite Me” is jerky, spastic, riddled with effects and constant, and I do mean *constant* camera angle changes and movement.

In “Nuka Break” you get to take in the scenery; in “Bite Me” I literally found myself dizzy in the second episode. I haven’t been given vertigo from an entertainment product in years, if not decades; good show, “Bite Me”.

The lurching camera is accompanied by a brash, loud and intrusive soundtrack that takes you out of the picture every 30 seconds or so by incorporating yet another forgettable song that has no obvious thematic tie to whatever happens to be going on. (Contrast that with Nuka Break, which used Fallout 3′s vintage music style to great effect).

Now, as for the ‘humor’: it’s pretty much precisely what you’d be afraid of. Juvenile body humor jokes? Adolescent name-calling? Check. Fat jokes? Skank jokes? Check and check. ‘Retard’ jokes? Check. Boob jokes/girl jokes/rampant misogyny? Check. Sexual inexperience jokes? Check. ‘Plot’ element consisting of one member of geeky friend circle ‘moving on’ with his life and how this makes him an outcast and traitor? Check. Clumsy exaggerated situations to depict ‘real’ life as stodgy and boring compared with playing an Xbox game? Check. Constant references to Zombie media? Check.

Actually, let’s back that one up. In the second episode, three of the, ahem, ‘characters’ of “Bite Me” play Dead Rising 2 with a disembodied voice of a pre-teen boy (who incessantly trash talks them while screaming at his mother for chocolate milk, no, I don’t get it either). While playing Dead Rising 2 they debate Zombie movies and then discuss the Zombie Apocalypse as a genre trope, implicitly mocking their own series’ lazy writing by pointing out how traditional Anti-Zombie movies cut corners in the same way “Bite Me” is currently doing.

*grits teeth* Hmm. I can get through this review, I swear.

Meta-’humor’? Check, check, shoot me now, check.

We’ve been down this road before, with that execrable Mega 64 video about Zombies, or to be more precise, about Anti-Zombie cliches and the people who love them, or love to hate them. “Bite Me” follows in the ignoble tradition of bad ‘Geek’ comedy about Zombies in that same vein. Shallow, loud, violence-driven, crammed with an either poorly written or, tragically accurate story about breathtakingly annoying idiots thrust into an unrealistic situation where they have to fend off Zombie stereotypes who, quite frankly, exhibit more personality and intelligence than the protagonists even as they try to bash down interior doors with their fists having forgotten how to work the knobs.

This show is AGONIZING. I found myself longing for some Romero, Russo, anyone with actual ideas and the good sense to let the camera stay in one shot for ten consecutive seconds for the love of Eris. Just once in a while. Please? Anyone with an idea of what to do with a camera at all?

No? Sticking with the shaky-cam? All right then.

Since this is the ZRC I suppose I should mention the Zombies; by the end of the second episode one’s actually shown up. They’re your standard Postmodern take on Romero Zombies. They stagger, they groan, they foam and attack. They don’t move or act like a convincingly ‘Different’ form of life at any point; the Zombies portrayed here come across as, well, guys with Zombie makeup on, clumsily imitating what they watched better actors doing on some DVDs from Netflix.

Naturally this means they’re also portrayed as unintelligent and ravenous for human flesh, but again, it’s hard to discern the important difference between the Zombies and the protagonists, except that the Zombie stereotypes are marginally less annoying and have slightly less irritating dialogue. I suspect that’s why they went with the visual shortcut of white contact lenses, which would be more useful if the camera ever framed the ‘Zombies’ properly, so they doubled down with some Alka-Seltzer foam. (And then in the last episode they give you a lecture on Zombie ‘types’ to help out)

If, however, you really wanted to see some bad acting and poorly staged re-enactment of the gags from Dead Rising (umbrella as a weapon anyone?) then man, you’re a lucky, if submoronic, guy today! Bonus points if you really wanted to see a short movie series where the characters spend a considerable amount of their time reading Twitter and Facebook instead of doing anything interesting!

As for me? I’m off to read something. On paper. In a book.

Official ZRC Rating:

“Bite Me” earns a Living-Supremacist rating for depicting a tired Zombie Apocalypse fight-or-flight scenario, for glorifying Anti-Zombie violence and for putting ‘Zombie’ characters in a story this bad.

Below you can find “Bite Me” Episode 1; each episode links to the next in the series. Don’t watch it if you value yourb sanity.

Hat tip to Game Rant for pointing this series out.

Category: Zombie Media | 2 Comments »
Tags: Mega64, Movies, Videogames, Youtube Mischief, Zombie Flavored Creativity Substitute

Posted By John Sears on January 28, 2011

I always appreciate it when we can not just review something, but allow you, the ZRC reader, to see/read/listen/view/evaluate it in its entirety. It helps us in our never-ending quest to help you, the Zombie Ally, to familiarize yourself with the best, as well as the worst, in media about Zombies.

Today’s review topic is the long-anticipated fan film “Fallout: Nuka Break”, from Zack Finfrock (Warbot in Accounting) and Brian Clevinger (8 Bit Theatre), amongst many other talented folks. We here at the ZRC loved Fallout 3, and played through the base game as well as all of the DLC expansions, logging well over a hundred hours in its world of conflict and emerging civilization. The ‘Ghoul’ race, who in our culture would be characterized as Zombies, were treated with subtlety and nuance, as characters and people; indeed, you have the opportunity to do business with Ghouls, ally yourself with them, even work toward greater civil rights for the Zombie population in Fallout 3.

Which naturally appealed to us here at the ZRC.

I’ve been waiting on this particular project for a while now, ever since Brian Clevinger mentioned it over at 8BT, and, well, I wasn’t disappointed.

Nuka Break is a good movie, full of good laughs, and is even good for Zombie Rights, continuing the proud Fallout tradition of treating Zombies as People (because of course, Zombies Are People Too).

Nuka Break’s story concerns Twig, a Vault Dweller who wanders the wasteland with his traveling companions Scarlet and Ben, our Zombie character. Ben’s an interesting fellow, the dashing rogue of this adventuring party. Mildly treacherous, level-headed and sardonic, it’s not a stretch to say that Ben is the character most people would want to be from this movie.

Isn’t that something? A Zombie character people might want to emulate?

I won’t divulge any more of the plot; it’s a short film, you can spare the time. Go watch it; I’ve embedded it below, but there’s a slightly larger size at Youtube itself (which doesn’t fit so hot here on the blog page).

Oh yeah; Fallout: Nuka Break earns a Zombie Friendly rating from the Zombie Rights Campaign for proudly and capably extending the Fallout 3 Pro-Zombie tradition into independent film.

Category: Zombie Media | 5 Comments »
Tags: Movies, Videogames, ZRC Reviews

Posted By John Sears on January 27, 2011

I found this Hollywood Reporter piece on Gale Anne Hurd and her thoughts about The Walking Dead fascinating, in a grimly offensive sort of way.

Producer Gale Anne Hurd, who is billed here at NATPE as the queen of sci-fi, thinks zombies are just what’s needed to offset today’s real-life anxieties.

“Given the fears in the world today, a zombie apocalypse series was less scary than, say, the financial meltdown or a disease outbreak,” she half-joked to an audience of sci-fi fans and business execs in Miami on Tuesday.

Hurd was speaking during a Q&A at the NATPE confab in which she talked about what made the series The Walking Dead work and why zombies, as clumsy and unsexy as they are, have so caught on worldwide.

“And zombies can be fun,” Hurd said.

I think it’s a bit much for someone who produced ‘The Punisher’ and ‘Terminator 3′ to call anyone else *clumsy* but that’s just me.

It’s sad but Ms. Hurd provides us further evidence of how debased our capitalist system is becoming, vis a vis Walking Dead advertisers:

Asked if there was any resistance among advertisers to the level of violence and gore in the series, Hurd said advertisers had no real problems.

“AMC never gave us a note to tone anything down. An airline even approached us about product placement — but we just couldn’t make that work with our plot!”

Remember, boys and girls, if you see something on-screen in The Walking Dead, there’s a fair chance someone paid to put it there. Good to know they have creative integrity!

With that in mind, allow me to present this ZRC Exclusive* Sneak Peek at a scene from the second season:

Sheriff What’s His Face: If there’s one good thing about the Zombie Apocalypse, it’s that the Undead didn’t take all of the delicious Reese’s Peanut Butter cups

Generic and Interchangeable Kirkman Stock Character #1: I like to wash them down with Mountain Dew(tm) myself.

Kid: I just looted five pairs of Nikes from that shoe store!

Finally, I’ll leave you with this, which explains a lot about the process of making ‘high-brow’ Anti-Zombie entertainment:

Another reason for the success of the show was pre-production — which Hurd said she learned the importance of from her stint working years ago for Roger Corman.

For one thing, she pointed out, “We learned how bad zombie makeup looked in HD so we opted to shoot in super 16.”

Yes, pre-production, a radical and innovative concept.

And shooting lower quality video to hide your technical inability and unconvincing Greenface? Priceless.

With techniques like that, are we sure she didn’t also study under Ed Wood?

*Not really a sneak peek at anything (so far as I know). Get a sense of humor.

Category: Zombie Media | No Comments »
Tags: Comics, Greenface, Movies

Posted By John Sears on January 27, 2011

Never content with their undisputed status as Kings of Anti-Zombie Videogames (well, undisputed except by Valve), Capcom has turned to freeware on the iOS (iPhone OS) to expand their market of hate:

In the world of Zombie Café, the food service industry is a life and death business. In addition to managing a menu, preparing up to 50 recipes and decorating their café with more than 100 items, players will have to deal with the ramifications of having a wait staff comprised of undead zombies. Sure the cost of labor is low, but having a fussy zombie try and eat a customer will sink a player’s star rating. On the plus side, if the competition gets too fierce players can always direct their zombie workers to attack a neighboring café and steal their secret recipes.

Capcom has plans to monetize this somewhat by selling DLC and add-ons, if you were wondering about the ‘free’ part.

Now, this concept, I think I’ve heard of it before.. I wonder where..

Oh, right. Here, on this blog:

Zombie Cafe is easy to learn, easy to play, and highly portable, with the contents all easily fitting into the small game envelope; one could most likely put the entire game in a moderately sized case for carrying a MtG deck. In our experience, games take 15-20 minutes to play (though this is with 2 players, longer games could well take more time), which is perfect for a quick break before bracing oneself for the latest Romero atrocity at the local multiplex, or while hanging out at a convention, or otherwise engaging in direct pro-Zombie activity.

Naturally, Capcom has Zombies as cheap and disobedient labor, rather than consumers with minds and currency of their own. It would be entirely too progressive for them to allow Zombies that degree of agency, or to allow for the possibility that Zombies could contribute to society at large. Nope! Food service for them, sprinkled with violence of course.

Brother. If I was you, dear reader, I’d stick with grabbing a copy of Zombie Cafe from Wayne West. It’s fun and far less stereotyped.

Category: Zombie Media | 3 Comments »
Tags: Videogames, Zombie Gaming

Posted By John Sears on January 27, 2011

In case you aren’t up on your latest collegiate sporting trends, an elaborate Zombie Apocalypse themed game of Tag has been growing in popularity around the nation and even internationally in recent years: “Humans vs. Zombies”.

In a nutshell, it simulates the tried, true, and trite Zombie/Survivor standoff seen in dozens of movies, videogames, and comic books. Human players fend off ‘Zombie’ players with safe ‘weapons’ ranging from NERF guns to marshmallows. Certain rules are enforced, but fundamentally this is a game of tag that happens to prey upon and foster hateful stereotypes about the Differently Animated so that undergraduates can have fun between skipping class and beer pong.

The University of Washington’s faculty has become fed-up with the game after some players, apparently in violation of rules and conventions, carried the game indoors and disrupted the learning environment. Now there’s a movement afoot to ban it from UW’s campus:

University of Washington faculty is taking a stand against Humans vs. Zombies, a game of tag conducted by the students on the university campus played weekly. The game was created in 2009 and has been growing ever since.

Recently, a professor and a campus employee told KING-TV that they were alarmed when they saw one student dressed in combat fatigues and carrying a toy rifle crouched in a fourth floor window of a campus building. They are working with university administration to get the game banned from campus.

…

They broke the rules of the game by going inside campus buildings and are considered a burden to the faculty and other students trying to enjoy regular campus life.

Make no mistake; this game is highly offensive, Living Supremacist propaganda in an addictive, athletic formulation. It’s the ‘Cowboys and Indians’ of the 21st Century, a game predicated upon baseless, cruel stereotypes and prejudice, one which people of good will should shun and which will, we hope, one day be abandoned out of good taste.

That being said, the ZRC has never been in favor of censorship, and we fail to see how ‘banning’ the game will accomplish anything. If you’re talking about preventing people from running in the halls and disrupting class, there are already rules against that in place, both apparently within the game and presumably within University regulations. If you want to force people to play their hate-sport off campus, they’ll do just that. According to Wikipedia there was even a municipality based edition of this game in Ohio (which is of course disgusting).

Otherwise, since NERF guns, marshmallows and ignorance are all legal, a ban isn’t going to go anywhere. You might make the game more alluring, however, since it could now be marketed as forbidden fruit; good job on that one, Uni faculty.

Naturally, The Zombie Rights Campaign condemns this ‘game’ in all of its forms and instances, and calls upon all of its players to reconsider their preconceptions and negative perceptions of the Differently Animated and abandon their hobby, fixated as it is upon death and distaste for a wide swath of innocent people who just happen to be alive in an unconventional sense.

We’d just rather achieve the abandonment of said game organically, through discourse and dialogue and improved social consciousness, rather than a University edict, in no small part because authoritarian measures like that rarely achieve positive social ends, no matter how well intended.

Category: ZRC News | 5 Comments »
Tags: Social Justice