The Zombie Rights Campaign Blog

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We hope you'll find this blog an educational, entertaining, and inspiring source of information, whether you're recently undead, a long-time member of the differently animated, or a still-living friend of your fallen, yet risen again, brethren. Everyone with an interest in zombie rights is welcome!

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Why Zombies Supposedly Don’t Look Like Santa

Posted By on December 23, 2011

Another day, another thoughtless ZRS post to discuss. Here’s one for the holidays, sort of, entitled ‘Why Zombies Don’t Look Like Santa’:

Since it’s commonly thought that a person’s hair and nails continue to grow after death, shouldn’t all male zombies have long beards? The short answer is: no.

Despite popular belief, human hair and nails do not continue to grow once a person has died. It is true that all the cells in a dead body don’t stop functioning at exactly the same time, but any resulting growth is negligible. Instead, the appearance of hair growth in a corpse can be explained by skin drying out and receding

Yes, they manage to find a way to talk about Zombies in regard to Santa. But I ask: isn’t it more likely that Santa Claus is, himself, a Zombie already?

I mean, think about it: he’s tireless, ageless, and stays almost year-round in a cool climate, conducive to the long-term preservation of flesh. Maybe Kris Kringle is Undead?

Think about that the next time you get coal in your stockings, Zombie Research Society.

‘Woody Allen Jesus’ Song Censored from ITV; Was It Because It Said Jesus Was a Zombie?

Posted By on December 23, 2011

Musician and comedian Tim Minchin recently ran into a bit of censorship over a not-terribly-edgy comedy song about Jesus he composed for a Pre-Christmas special on British tv network ITV:

So I got to writing. Being Christmas, I thought it would be fun to do a song about Jesus, but being TV, I knew it would have to be gentle. The idea was to compare him to Woody Allen (short, Jewish, philosophical, a bit hesitant), and expand into redefining his other alleged attributes using modern, popular-culture terminology.

And then someone got nervous and sent the tape to ITV’s director of television, Peter Fincham.

And Peter Fincham demanded that I be cut from the show.

He did this because he’s scared of the ranty, shit-stirring, right-wing press, and of the small minority of Brits who believe they have a right to go through life protected from anything that challenges them in any way.

Why is this relevant to the ZRC? Well one of the things he says Jesus was, at least by analogy, is a Zombie.

Go to 1:20 to listen to the following lyrics that ITV didn’t want you (ok, if you live in the UK) to hear:

Jesus died but then came back to life
So the Holy Bible said
Kinda like in ‘Dawn of the Dead’
Like a film by Simon Pegg
Try that these days and you’d be in trouble
Geeks would try to smack you with a shovel
Praise be to Jesus
Praise be to Magic-Woody Allen-Zombie-Jesus
Magic Woody Allen Zombie Jesus!

We approve! The ZRC is especially appreciative of Mr. Minchin pointing out that Anti-Zombie prejudices often, and tragically, lead to violence against the Undead.

Two thoughts come to mind regarding this controversy: first, was ITV’s censorship due, in part or in whole, to the still-contentious issue of Jesus’ potential Zombiehood? (A heated issue that’s come up on the ZRC blog before as well)

Second, technically, is that it should be ‘Spiderman’ Jesus, not Superman; the ‘With great power comes great responsibility’ line is from Spiderman.

But that’s nitpicking and unimportant compared to the larger question of Zombie Jesus and the inability of the Zombie Community to get a fair shake, either in the US or the UK.

After all, the UK’s highly contentious, and now litigious, struggle for Zombie Rights has been an extensive focus of the ZRC in the past year, especially the hard, indispensable work on behalf of UK Zombies by our Zombie of the Year Hannah Eiseman-Renyard.

Coming as this ITV censorship does in the very midst of that struggle for legal recognition, the Zombie Rights Campaign has to ask:

Does ITV have a problem with the Differently Animated? Or just no sense of humor?

Inquiring minds around the world want to know.

‘Songbook for the Civilized Zombie’? Try Songbook of Living Supremacism!

Posted By on December 22, 2011

A commenter on the ZRC blog left a link to this little Youtube ‘gem’:

As you can see, we’re dealing with two separate media products here: a webseries being titled ‘Songbook for the Civilized Zombie’, apparently about a ‘redeemed’ Zombie who has been coerced/brainwashed into eradicating other Undead individuals, and the song within the first episode, ‘The Zombie Song’, which is quite a bit older (and available here from Bandcamp).

Neither is remotely Zombie Friendly.

As for ‘Songbook’, we’ve seen this concept before, the Uncle Zom, Undead Manchurian Candidate/’Good Zombie’ who turns on his or her fellow Zombies in the service of an eliminationist Living society. Bub the Zombie from ‘Day of the Dead’ is probably a major inspiration for this sort of plot, except that Bub comes off a lot better than his modern day counterparts. After all, Bub has emotions, loyalty, and forms friendships with Living individuals, or at least with the mad scientist working with him in the doomsday bunker.

There was a comic book series ‘Toe Tags’, apparently written by George Romero himself, which had an Uncle Zom protagonist; I actually bought a few issues back before founding the ZRC, but never got into it. Seemed kind of silly, what with a Zombie riding an elephant to massacre other Zombies. Silly or insane, take your pick. Regardless of the origin, it’s not an uncommon element, though obviously a tragic one. If Zombies can be heroic, and we at the ZRC definitely feel that they can, that heroism shouldn’t have to derive from hurting other Zombies. It’s so divisive!

‘The Zombie Song’, meanwhile, is another ‘humorous’ musical piece mocking the Undead and spreading harsh stereotypes about their incessant need to devour Living people. We’ve covered such songs numerous times here on the blog, there’s not much new to comment on here (although, being fair, this one was first recorded a decade ago so technically it was here first).

Both pieces of the larger whole, however, are ugly and prejudiced. Both qualify as Living Supremacist.

Shame on you.  Next time maybe make a song/series about Zombies getting along with society.

Plight of the Atomic Zombie

Posted By on December 21, 2011

I trust you remember the ZRC’s run-in with Zombie-hating comic book artist Mike Hall, who helped create a bizarre comic book to promote library usage by promoting Anti-Zombie prejudice.

Well, tragically, he’s at it again, with a piece called ‘Sam and Jill Versus the Atomic Zombies from Hell’.

Naturally, our sympathies lie with these poor, misunderstood Atomic Zombies. So what if they’re ‘from Hell’? Lots of people come from bad neighborhoods you know, Mr. Hall. Who wouldn’t want to relocate from the fiery Underworld anyway?

Oh, but I guess upward mobility isn’t ok if you’re an Atomic Zombie. They should just accept their lot in life, which is, apparently, to be targeted by gun-toting lunatics sporting sociopathic grins and hand cannons large enough to compensate for, let’s just say, serious personal inadequacy issues.

Ahem.

The Zombie Rights Campaign accordingly rates ‘Sam and Jill Versus the Atomic Zombies from Hell’ with our lowest mark of shame, that of Living Supremacist.

Atomic doesn't mean Unperson either.
Those poor Atomic Zombies. For shame.

An Anti-Zombie ‘Reality-Show’ Web-Series?

Posted By on December 20, 2011

Is there anything more soul-crushing than ‘Reality TV’?

I mean, aside from the train-wreck-worthy shows where people compete at belting out showtunes in front of millions upon millions of viewers who really could get much better free music by just going to Pandora, you have shows that feature people eating live bugs or swapping spouses or having some tyrannical super domestic help run their lives.

It’s like a pageant of the absolute lowest, strangest behavior of the species splashed all over the screen. How could it get worse?

Well, how about a fake Anti-Zombie Reality TV show?

Now here’s a fun idea for a web series. A Zombie reality TV show where in each episode someone dies (talk about a great way to vote people off the ‘island’ .. unfortunately it’s not going to be by vote.) Bonus? Just because someone dies doesn’t mean they are going to be off the show for good, they may always return for a little undead action! It looks like it’s a series that could be a lot of fun to watch for zombie enthusiasts everywhere!

In actuality, although ‘The Zombie Factor’ website is a bit sparse, it seems that this is a short film masquerading as a pilot for a fake Webseries about the inherent fakeness that is Reality TV.. with Zombie-bashing thrown in.

Wow.

Just check out these teaser trailers:

I feel dirty, deep in my brain, just from watching those. They’ve certainly captured the painful sleaziness of a really awful, ‘Real World’ style TV show.

Did I just date myself with a ‘Real World’ reference? Too bad.

Credit (for Evil) where Credit is due, however: these people have put some thought into their fake TV, real prejudice project. There’s even Behind the Scenes material:

*plays the World’s Tiniest Violin for the ‘Zombie Wrangler’*

Oh boo-hoo! Your life is so hard, tasering innocent people just for being Undead then hauling them off to be abused and killed! Someone should give you a hug smack about the face and head.

Jerk.

Obviously if we get the chance the ZRC will review this entire short film to fully comprehend its obvious prejudice, but as of right now, ‘The Zombie Factor’ is being put on notice: you’re cruising for a Living Supremacist rating, people.

Just fair warning.

Don’t Use the Zed Word: ABA Journal Edition

Posted By on December 19, 2011

We’ve been talking a bit about the legal profession and its relationship with the Differently Animated here on the blog lately, and that got me to googling, as per usual.

Also, sadly, as per usual, I did not like what I found.

Case in point, this unfortunate article from the ABA Journal, the ‘flagship magazine of the American Bar Association’:

Some applicants to Yale Law School love to argue. Some love THE LAW. Some failed a math class, but managed to carry on.

Yale Law School associate dean of admissions Asha Rangappa, however, is not impressed. In a series of posts on (203) Admissions Blog, Rangappa covers common errors on personal statements by law school applicants, including:

1) The Law Zombie, a common but not-so-impressive applicant. “This is a person who really loves THE LAW,” Rangappa explains. “He is passionate about THE LAW, loves debating THE LAW, and can spend hours reading about—yes, you guessed it—THE LAW.” But the applications office is not impressed. “In fact, when I read this kind of application, I get flashbacks to the toothpick scene in Rain Man, and imagine admitting a legal genius who shuffles around muttering Supreme Court holdings under his breath, sometimes startling bystanders by randomly shouting ‘SCALIA!’ very loudly.” Law Zombies should tone it down, she says, while being a little more specific about what, specifically, led to their interest in THE LAW.

Honestly, this attempt at prejudice comes across as sort of.. half-baked, doesn’t it? I mean, if they’re going to defame Zombies by stating that they are similar to someone who repeats themselves verbally, why not go the full Russo and drop in a ‘Braaaaaaaains?’

Good grief.

As it stands this is, of course, just another sad, even if phoned-in, example of what the ZRC blog calls the ‘Don’t Use the Zed Word’ phenomenon, where a lack of vocabulary or willingness to put forth effort leads a writer to slander the Zombie Community instead of picking up the thesaurus and finding an appropriate, if less inflammatory and insulting, choice of words.

Odd, that sort of behavior coming from a lawyer’s rag. Almost.. unprofessional?

Just another piece of evidence that Zombies need good legal representation. Which again makes me ponder something…

The ZRC Zombie of the Year for 2011

Posted By on December 17, 2011

I trust you’re all aware of the proud list of nominees we selected for the shortlist for this, the ZRC’s award honoring the very best and noblest efforts by a Zombie to improve the public image of the Zombie Community and advance the cause of Zombie Rights.

If not then I do humbly suggest you give the list a quick perusal; all our nominees this year were very worthy indeed.

How to pick from so many outstanding people and causes? It wasn’t easy, certainly. 2011 was the year that differing, and far more Zombie Friendly ideas about the Differently Animated were brought to the attention of the general public in ways never before seen. When the history of the Zombie Rights Movement is written I think 2011 will be seen as a landmark year, the point at which the tide really started to change and momentum to build for Undead Equality.

So this year we had Zombie Friendly film, and theatre, and literature, and activism to contend with in the selection process, and that’s just counting the publicly available shortlist! Numerous worthy runners-up could have been named, in comic books, music, television , advertising and more.

But ultimately, though the choice was hard to make, I think as a social activist organization we knew the decision that had to be made. The ‘Zombie of the Year’ award is after all an attempt to honor the individual or individuals who advance the Cause most in a given year, and in that regard, one individual did clearly stand out. A person who has put themselves out in the public spotlight, standing up for the rights of the Undead, who has suffered grievous discrimination and oppression at the hands of society and who, still, stands up for the Zombie Community, and even now is fighting against long odds to win civil liberty for the Differently Animated.

Therefore our Zombie of the Year 2011, the Zombie Rights Campaign is proud to say, is none other than
Hannah Eiseman-Renyard, our correspondent and counterpart from the United Kingdom, whose brave legal struggle for the rights of the Differently Animated has truly moved our hearts.

As previously detailed here on the blog, Ms. Eiseman-Renyard found herself swept up in a tyrannical police raid against the Zombie Community, on presumption of the Undead being… Republicans.

Which as it turns out is a very different thing in the UK than here in America.

The prejudice and guilt-by-association the Zombie Community faces in both our great nations is, however, sadly parallel, as our Zombie of the Year discovered first-hand. Was she deterred? Did she back down from her public display of Zombiism and affiliation with a tragically misunderstood community? No! Instead Ms. Eiseman-Renyard has taken the battle for better and more equitable treatment of the Differently Animated into the halls of power, and even now is an active participant in legal proceedings which, we hope, will once and for all make it legal to ‘Shamble While Zombie’ in the United Kingdom.

Truly, this work has been inspirational, and humbling. The ZRC has yet to get the Cause into a courtroom, but our Zombie of the Year is already confronting her nation with important questions about politics, human rights and their application to the Undead. It is an amazing achievement and a direct advance for the cause of Undead Equality whose importance is difficult to measure, and virtually impossible to overstate.

Even above and beyond the legal struggle, Ms. Eiseman-Renyard has become a great source of news and insight into the global stage of the struggle for Zombie Rights for the ZRC, and helped to keep us, and by extension, yourselves, abreast of all the latest developments, not just in her case but on the world stage. And for that we are additionally thankful.

Thanks for a great job!
Congratulations, Hannah Eiseman-Renyard. You are our Zombie of the Year 2011.

And we’re so very proud.

Matt Darst, ‘Dead Things’, Zombie Stereotyping and, Yes, Toxoplasmosis

Posted By on December 16, 2011

BuyZombie has an informative and of course, unfortunately prejudice-filled interview up with new Anti-Zombie author Matt Darst:

MD-Zombies are a very different type of monster. My dad introduced me to George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead when I was a kid. That movie scared me in a way that, until then, “creature features” and Universal Monsters had not. Zombies represent a fate worse than death: the loss of individuality. That’s been a popular theme in literature, especially science fiction (think Fahrenheit 451, 1984, or The Stepford Wives), and it especially resonates today.

Personally, I don’t worry about loss of individuality when I think about the diverse and vibrant Zombie Community. ‘American Idol’ fans, sure. ‘Twilight’ fans, absolutely. But not Zombies.

Interestingly, the works that Darst cites are all from the Cold War era (1984 from ’49, Fahrenheit 451 from ’53, and Stepford from ’72). ‘Loss of individuality’ coded for ‘Communism’ there, or in Orwell’s case, totalitarianism in general.

Yet the Anti-Zombie genre as a whole has never fit well to the Anti-Communist message. In fact, to the extent that the American portion of said genre has a political bent, it tends toward the Left; ‘Dawn of the Dead’ is overtly critical of consumerism, ‘Day of the Dead’ is a poke at the military-industrial complex, as is ‘Return of the Living Dead’, etc.

So I kind of wonder if Mr. Darst has an axe to grind with Communists rather than Zombies here, but that’s possibly just me.

We’ve seen this sort of concern before amongst the most recent crop of Anti-Zombie authors. Max Brooks calls it ‘mindlessness’, for example. Conformity seems to be a major worry for some of these folks. I have to wonder why authors, already natural outliers in the human experience, seem prone to this paranoia that someone is going to take away their individuality.

Is this a reflexive fear of the censor? Hmm.

Unfortunately, potential red-baiting and a possible fear of someone taking away his pens isn’t all that motivates Mr. Darst to attack Zombies with prose: he also has some rather out-there ideas about science and medicine.

Ideas we’ve heard before:

BZ-What, if anything, scares you?

MD-Zombies, but not how one might think. Zombies are real; they occur everyday in the natural world. There are whole ecosystems based on parasitic relationships. Spiders, grasshoppers, caterpillars, fish, mice, and even humans are controlled at some level by pathogens. They’re not dead, but their minds are no longer their own.

Toxoplasmosis is a great example. About a third of the world is already infected with this parasite. Humans aren’t the natural host (cats are), so the protozoan takes up residence in our brain and protects itself from our immune system by forming a cyst. Still, there’s evidence that toxoplasmosis is chemically altering our behavior, changing our personalities. Infected men tend to be antisocial and suspicious and women more outgoing and promiscuous. Toxoplasmosis may even lead to schizophrenia and impact the increase the likelihood of giving birth to a male over a female. This all raises an interesting question: how much of what we perceive as us is actually us? How much of our personality is shaped by parasites? How much control do we really have?

I know we’ve discussed this before on the blog, but: there is no scientific consensus that Toxoplasmosis does any of that. In fact, outside of a brief period of acute infection with generally flu-like symptoms, toxoplasmosis hasn’t been shown to have any real effect on healthy adults. The supposed psychological effects are largely speculation, based on the behavior of the parasite in radically different animals (like rats).

Nevertheless, let’s play Brooks’ Advocate here: toxoplasmosis, in rats, causes risk-taking behavior. If it worked the same way in people, what sort of people would it produce? Surely not conformists, right?

Well.. it’s sort of a mixed bag; there’s been speculation about antisocial behavior, or promiscuity, as Darst notes. But it also might result in thrill-seeking behavior, or fast driving, or potentially anything, really. We don’t know. Some scientists think it may actually improve human behavior in some cases, for what it’s worth:

Carriers tend to show long-term personality changes that are small but statistically significant. Women tend to be more intelligent, affectionate, social and more likely to stick to rules. Men on the other hand tend to be less intelligent, but are more loyal, frugal and mild-tempered. The one trait that carriers of both genders share is a higher level of neuroticism – they are more prone to guilt, self-doubt and insecurity.

So it might make you neurotic, or smarter; it might make you loyal, or less intelligent. Or none of these! The science just isn’t there yet. As some commentators on this subject have noted, assuming these behavior modifying effects are real, many could be seen as beneficial; is it a parasite on the mind, or a symbiote? The answer might vary from person to person.

Toxoplasmosis does have one really serious, known set of nasty effects though: it can cause spontaneous abortions and horrific birth defects, some of which take a long time to make themselves known. That’s really what we should be concerned about, not weird, very small potential effects on brain-chemistry. Pregnant women in particular should stay the heck away from cats.

Still, the idea that Toxoplasmosis is some sort of Zombie Apocalypse analog is just nutty. The level of infection varies wildly from country to country; in the US it’s low, about 10%. In some countries it’s as low as 3%, while in France it’s really high, as much as 80%, apparently because they eat a lot of uncooked meat. If this really produced a lot of profound effects surely when 80% of the people in Paris are walking around with it we’d notice. If the parasite does anything to the species as a whole, it’s very subtle and probably very minor. We’re not going out and getting ourselves killed and eaten by cats after all.

I know I harp on these science-related Anti-Zombie topics a lot on the ZRC blog, but I think they’re doubly dangerous. Zombie does not equal disease, but the negative stigma attached to Zombiism also shouldn’t get back to things like stem cell research, or the flu, or a very common, generally mild parasitic infection, in this case. Yet it does, again and again. As people, and particularly Zombie haters, look for mental hooks to justify their obsession, science gets injured as well as the Zombie Community.

And naturally, the ZRC opposes both of those unfortunate events.

We’ll keep an eye out for ‘Dead Things’, but somehow I don’t think it’s going to be our cup of tea at the Zombie Rights Campaign. Of course, maybe that’s the parasites in my brain talking.

They also want tea, by the way. And for me to get a cat.

Legal Questions about the Zombie ‘Apocalypse’

Posted By on December 15, 2011

Now here’s a disturbing piece largely attempting to justify, within a legal framework, the persecution of the Differently Animated, while warning potential persecutors about possible legal liability:

Let me interrupt our regular programming to ponder some of the legal issues raised by the sudden appearance of zombie hordes.

Zombies have absolutely no control over their actions. Whatever makes “us”…us is destroyed in them, and only the most primitive parts of the brain stem remain active in zombies…the part that needs to feed on you. But some studies suggest that violent criminals also have damaged pre-frontal lobes — the area of the brain that regulates behavior and helps keep society “civilized.” And yet we put these “monsters” on trial and many of them go on to lead long lives eating jello in prison and reading racy magazines. Of course, we selectively execute some of them, too.

Believe it or not, it gets worse, with a disquieting discussion about some rather heinous medical experimentation, in graphic detail:

Know thy enemy. Should we be able to medically experiment on zombies the way the Japanese experimented on the Chinese or the Nazis on Jews? There are a lot of things we should know about zombies if we’re going to survive them: How long can they “live” without food or water? Can we kill it with fire? Can we kill it with chemicals? Can they swim? Can we remove their teeth so that they’re more like harmless old people? Do their fingernails keep growing? Can they survive punctures to certain parts of their brains? How well can they see, hear, smell in the dark or at a distance? Zombies obviously cannot give their legal consent to any medical procedures. But they’re also not exactly human anymore. Still, we as a society no longer condone things like forced electroshock therapy on the mentally ill even if they’ve committed horrendous crimes. And many people oppose the use of animals in medical experiments for the same reason – they cannot consent. Nobody is quite sure, either, of how much pain certain animals can feel. If zombies are like the mentally ill or like animals, what gives us the moral right to experiment on them for our own knowledge?

This is really grisly and unsettling stuff, but it all comes back to the premise outlined at the start: Zombies are not People, therefore we have to put them in a non-human legal framework, or at least, class them along with people who have sharply diminished legal rights, like the severely mentally ill or dangerously criminal.

Now, longtime readers of the ZRC blog know that’s not the case. Zombies are a widely variable community, not the cookie-cutter savages portrayed in The Walking Dead.

Zombies participate in politics:

IMG_1532

Zombies attend public gatherings, peacefully:

IMG_2779

Zombies even raise money for charity or other worthy causes, as we’ve documented numerous times here on the blog.

So naturally, the ZRC believes the question shouldn’t be, ‘How can we best manage and/or oppress Zombies’, but ‘How do we peacefully meld the Living and Undead Communities?’. Truth be told, sound legal advice from a sympathetic mind would be of great help in this struggle.

Hmm. I wonder…

PS: Just as an aside, if you, at any point in time, find yourself pondering, ‘Should I be able to do X that the Nazis did to the Jews?’, X being any proposed course of action: you are deep into the Dark Side.

Just a handy FYI.

Zombie Wine Charms? A ZRC Review

Posted By on December 15, 2011

I’m not sure what to make of these at all:

Hmm...

Mark your glass with a grotesque piece of human anatomy. For anyone looking to impress their living dead friends. You’ll be dazzled by these delicious zombie snacks. Featuring a brain, stomach, lungs, heart, and intestines.

Each charm is approx. 1 1/2″ or under.

First of all, wine charms? Can anyone tell me what they’re supposed to do? Just.. float there in your beverage?

Michelle Hartz, could you help me out here? You drink wine, right?

That being said, I think there are two conflicting factors here. One is that the artist wants you to buy these things to IMPRESS your Undead FRIENDS. That’s a great idea! You should totally get some, and then try to impress them! Or at least, not shoot them!

On the other, I’m not sure why your Zombie friends are supposed to like little doodads shaped like the stereotypical foodstuff of the stereotypical Zombie from the movies… unless your friends are both Undead and Hipsters, and they want to appreciate this ironically.

Oh wow. A product line for the Living friends of Hipster Zombies? That’s novel! Niche, but novel!

Heck with it. The message might be a tiny bit edgy, but we can dig it. The ZRC rates these Hipster Zombie-ready wine charms as Zombie Friendly.

Pretty friendly! Good for the wine drinking Zombie.

Great job!