Posted By John Sears on June 25, 2011

We talked about Anti-Zombie targets for gun-toting Zombophobes to use in their murder-practice sessions recently, as well as merchants of death for sad, sad roleplaying nerds who want to pay hundreds of dollars for a proper Anti-Zombie sword.

What about taking it to the next level (of fear, for the ZRC)? Is there anyone out there making guns, firearms specifically designed to target the innocent Undead?

Well, not quite yet, but soon. I present to you ‘ZERO Heavy Industries’, a custom gunsmith site that is advertising their upcoming Anti-Zombie firearms designs.

Really:

Zombies… the walking dead, the shambling horde…
We’re pretty much convinced that the worst possible thing that could ever be imagined would be a zombie apocalypse. Hordes of undead corpses killing and eating anything in their path, changing the way you act, react, think, and live.

Don’t get us wrong; our weapons systems are no joke.

We’re by no means expecting everyone that comes to this site to “get it”. You’re either on the level, or you aren’t.

The Zombie euphemism is one that helps drive our product research, design, testing, and evaluation processes. We develop, test, and seek out gear that is designed for the worst possible conditions that could ever be encountered. We want what you purchase from ZERO Heavy Industries to be something that you can rely on in any environment; competition shooting, hunting, target shooting, home defense, or even a global Zombie pandemic (please read World War Z by Max Brooks if you haven’t already).

Do you see, Max Brooks, Robert Kirkman, George Romero et al? Do you get it now, do you understand what you started? I hope you’re happy.

(Not actually, they should be filled with shame and self-loathing).

ZERO Heavy Industries don’t have any guns for sale yet, fortunately, but that could change at any time. I sincerely hope Mr. Brooks will come out of seclusion in whatever spider hole/End Times bunker he’s constructed to allay his own fears of the Zombie Apocalypse to talk these Zero Heavy guys down from the ledge. Perhaps Robert Kirkman could do some PSAs to run on television apologizing to the Undead community for his role in spreading the sort of hatred that makes them want Anti-Zombie custom firearms.

I would say Mr. Romero should do another Creepshow but as I understand it that’s not up to him, and a new one is in development anyway sans Romero. So for now, I dunno, community service would be nice.

Regardless, the time has come for these major icons of Living Supremacism to come forward and repent publicly to their many fans. Otherwise who knows what some enterprising Zombie-Hating whacko might do with the guns ZERO Heavy Industries are designing. I shudder even to think.

Obviously, if and when these products designed specifically to maim or kill Zombies reach the market, they will be rated as EXTREMELY Living Supremacist.

Category: Zombie Media | No Comments »
Tags: Anti-Zombie Products, ZRC Reviews

Posted By John Sears on June 25, 2011

We’ve seen quite a bit of commercial Anti-Zombie depravity here on the ZRC blog; people selling swords allegedly made to fight the Zombie Menace, for example. Not to mention the sick degenerates at Harcos Labs who sell Zombie blood and ‘jerky’ as foodstuffs; monsters.

Still, the inventiveness of the Anti-Zombie bigot is breathtaking to behold and frightening to consider, let alone keep up with, so I present to you ‘Zombie Industries’, a firm which makes targets for firearms practice in the form of Zombies, so that rednecks and gun nuts the world over can practice for the day when they finally get their hate on for the Undead with mass murder.

‘Zombie Industries’ supposedly sells paper targets* with quasi-menacing images of the Undead on them, but they go a lot further than the old ‘Paper target with a despised ethnic minority on it’ schtick beloved of nutbags hiding out in Montana; they also sell Zombie-shaped targets in the form of busts with upper bodies that ‘bleed’ and disintegrate when shot:

Zombie Industries’ Tactical Bleeding Zombie Targets are designed to help YOU prepare for the next Zombie outbreak that our World’s leaders, even to this very day, are keeping top-secret! Our Zombie targets are life-sized; three-dimensional tactical mannequins that “bleed” when you shoot them, using Zombie Industries’ Patent Pending proprietary technology.

Each Zombie is manufactured in the USA and is hand painted to accurately resemble an infected human that just finished gnawing your neighbor Zed’s leg, to give you that realistic look so you really feel the hate. What makes our Zombie’s so special? They’re filled with biodegradable matter, which makes clean up a wee-bit easier…(are you happy, mom?) …and oh yah, let’s not forget, they bleed and burst into little pieces of blood soaked, Zombie matter when you shoot them!

Right, like the ease of cleanup somehow negates the fact that you bigots sell targets in the shape of an oppressed minority that BLEED WHEN SHOT.

Being new-media e-commerce utilizing bigots they also provide us with, uggh, demonstration video:

Note that the videos also show off their oh-so-creative slogan: ‘Destroy the Undead’.

I think you can guess where we’re going with this: The Zombie Rights Campaign completely and utterly condemns these merchants of hate and terror training tools, and we rate their entire product line as Living Supremacist.

*their website currently has a lot of missing sections for some reason, advertising paper and ‘exploding rifle targets’ but having no ordering details. I’m not sure if they’re updating or what. Their main page has a picture of what looks like the design for a paper target though, featuring a Zombie, so I’m assuming they are or will shortly actually be selling those. The design is of course offensive.

Category: Zombie Media | 11 Comments »
Tags: Anti-Zombie Products

Posted By John Sears on June 25, 2011

I’ve seen quite a bit of Young Adult oriented Zombie fiction crop up over the last couple of years; mostly bad stuff, from a Zombie Rights perspective, about some heroic teen triumphing over the adversities of having to share a planet with Zombies.

You know, bigoted stuff.

Still, sometimes a bit of understanding can come from an unexpected source, and so I present to you, the Young Adult Zombie.. Romance novel?

More seriously, I’m an author with a young adult zombie romance novel dropping in
October entitled DEARLY, DEPARTED. I’m very honored to have been asked to write
a blog post for Bookish Brunette. I was especially excited when she said to me, in an
email, “I’m not a huge fan of zombie horror… I like it, but I like ‘nice’ zombies. Are we
strange?”

Yes. We are strange. But although zombies have been used effectively for horror
for thousands of years, there’s still a strong argument to be made for the “softer”
zombie – for tragic, beautiful, and heroic undead characters. So, although we are
odd, we are not terribly alone.

Yes, yes, that is all very good so far. We here at the ZRC are also fans of ‘nice’ Zombies, as that’s the only sort we generally meet in public for one thing.

Tragic and beautiful, even heroic? Sure, Zombies can be, but that’s sort of the state of affairs for the overall human condition. Nice to see it affirmed by someone else however.

And boy, can I relate to some of what the author says in this column:

I have to admit, one worry that continually visits me in the night concerns the day I
stand toe-to-toe with an Evil/Amoral Zombie Purist at a book signing or con. It may
never happen, but the idea still terrifies me. I don’t get along well with Purists in
general – I prefer synthesis, blending together ideas and creating surreal, hilarious
mash-ups – but my fear runs a tad deeper than that, for it’s based on profound
respect.

Brace yourself, Ms. Lia Habel, because you *are* going to get this. A *lot*. There isn’t a convention the ZRC goes to or an interview we do where the topic doesn’t at least come up, and often the ‘Purists’ are more than willing to spend hours debating the topic with you, even returning again and again to do so. You must be committed to spreading the word about nice Zombies, and I mean deeply committed. There’s a great deal of ideological rigidity out there as regards the Undead.

A *lot*.

That having been said it is of course a very rewarding line of work to be in.

I do have to say, however, and I hope she won’t take this the wrong way, but Ms. Habel has a rather.. morbid view of Undeath:

Good-guy zombies personify a human lifetime, condensed. They come into the world
through no doing of their own, perhaps against their will; they struggle through
for a few years; eventually they drop. And, unlike the living, with all their powers
of denial, zombies actually embody the evidence of their daily wear and tear. They
wear their unhealing scars, their own unresponsive flesh, and they need only look at
themselves to realize how closely the Reaper is hovering.

I mean, it’s really all a matter of perspective, and Zombies vary widely. Some are, tragically, doomed to more rapid decomposition, but what is aging for the Living but a form of planned obsolescence? And after all, while we like to mentally plan out a good 70 years of lifespan, the truth is that the Reaper, as it were, can come at any time and with very little warning. Some physiological forms of Zombiism are actually far more rugged in this regard than the standard plan, oxygen metabolizing, cells-dividing-at-a-regular-pace form of humanity.

Not that we get hung up on those physical minutiae here at The ZRC. A person is a person, however long they’ve got left on the planet, after all.

Still, in balance, this is a very interesting perspective and a thoughtful post, and The ZRC is happy to see another published author with sympathy for our clients. Good show, Ms. Habel, good show.

Category: Uncategorized | 3 Comments »
Tags: Books

Posted By John Sears on June 24, 2011

Guess what highly promising potentially Zombie Friendly all-ages film landed a composer and lots of voice talent? If you guessed ‘ParaNorman’, congratulations: you can read the post title!

Two-time Grammy Award-nominated composer Jon Brion has signed to create the original score for LAIKA and Focus Features’ animated comedy thriller ParaNorman, currently in production at LAIKA’s Oregon studios for nationwide release by Focus on Friday, August 17th, 2012. Following LAIKA and Focus’ groundbreaking Academy Award-nominated animated feature Coraline, ParaNorman is only the second stop-motion animated feature to be made in 3D. LAIKA President and CEO Travis Knight made the announcement today.

Joining the voice cast of ParaNorman are Tucker Albrizzi (Good Luck Charlie), Alex Borstein (Family Guy), and Jodelle Ferland (The Twilight Saga: Eclipse). ParaNorman is being directed by Sam Fell and Chris Butler, from Mr. Butler’s original screenplay. Mr. Fell was director of The Tale of Despereaux and Flushed Away. Mr. Butler was storyboard supervisor on Coraline and storyboard artist on Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride.

Just look at that cast and crew list; this could be a really, really big deal for the Differently Animated.

And as we noted the last time we discussed this film, it sounds very Zombie Friendly, focusing on negotiation rather than confrontation:

The synopsis is as follows: “In this comedy/thriller, a small town comes under siege by zombies. Who can it call? Only misunderstood local boy Norman, who is able to speak with the dead. In addition to the zombies, he’ll have to take on ghosts, witches and, worst of all, moronic grown-ups, to save his town from a centuries-old curse. But this young ghoul whisperer may find his paranormal activities pushed to their otherworldly limits.”

Yes, let’s try DIALOGUE, people. Negotiate, discuss, find common ground and build upon it. This is the way to move forward, not cricket bats and haphazard massacres.

We cannot wait for ParaNorman here at the ZRC. It should be amazing.

Category: Zombie Media | No Comments »
Tags: Movies, Social Justice

Posted By John Sears on June 24, 2011

There are times when without context it is truly hard to determine how the ZRC should feel about a particular image or idea relating to our clients. Case in point?

At first I automatically assumed, based on long and unfortunate experience, that this was shaking down customers for protection AGAINST Zombies, and indeed, I would wager that is almost everyone’s initial take.

In which case, my reaction was something like this:

Seriously, does absolutely everyone, everywhere have to attempt to cash in on the backs of our Undead clients? Is even a sliver of compassion or, failing that, self-restraint too much to ask?

Now you’re going to get hit up for, *literally*, protection money when you’re at the cash register? What, or else come the Zombie Apocalypse the barista will serve you last? Seriously?

But perhaps I was being too hasty. What if this isn’t money to protect AGAINST Zombies, but… a fund to PROTECT Zombies. To aid them, comfort them, help them go about their daily Unlives in the face of prejudice.

That would be awesome, and it’s not TOTALLY without precedent, you see these little charity collection jars beside the cash register at restaurants and gas stations all the time.

So what do you, the loyal ZRC reader, think? Pro-Zombie or Anti-Zombie? Should we give it the benefit of the doubt?

(Special note: As this was already a small photograph I have placed the entire object on the blog for fair use commentary, but, as always, non-ZRC generated content remains the right of its original creator/publisher)

Category: Zombie Media | No Comments »
Tags: Zombie Art

Posted By John Sears on June 24, 2011

BuyZombie brings us news of another retro-style Anti-Zombie game in development, which I think officially constitutes a trend, at least if you count all the flash variants of late:

Goners is an online zombie board game of survival and betrayal. The game is played by 4 players who take turns roaming the zombie wasteland, killing undead and sabotaging each other. And in fact, this last point is where the real fun of the game comes in. Players are given secret goals at the start of each game. Whoever reaches their goals first, wins. And hence, each player is trying to achieve their own goals, while making sure that no one else reaches theirs. And yet, no one is really 100% sure what anyone else is after: Is he trying to kill you or keep your alive? Is he heading for the chopper or looking for the cure? Is he trying to be a hero or trying to run for his life? And thus, paranoia and sabotage run rampant as everyone scrambles to sneak to victory, sabotage their opponents, and avoid the constant threat of brain-eating zombies.

Great, another game that encourages paranoia and in-fighting against a backdrop of slaughtering the Differently Animated.

Tell me again why the Living are supposedly the good guys, in ANY of these media products?

ZWG itself seems to be a sort of virtual board game/card game hybrid, a bit like Paranoia crossed with a customizable card game like Magic the Gathering. It could be a lot of fun, except of course for the rampant Anti-Zombie prejudice.

There are some nice screenshots at the BuyZombie site, and there’s also a very early teaser trailer showing off some admittedly sweet Metal Slug looking sprite art:

You can also learn more at the development blog for the game.

Category: Zombie Media | No Comments »
Tags: Videogames

Posted By John Sears on June 24, 2011

We had this item passed to us by numerous individuals on Tuesday, but I believe The Horror Society, our long trusted correspondents, got it to us first:

Yes, that’s right; a chart that claims to categorize all Zombies by two axes: speed and intelligence.

Nevermind that the idea of a single, easily quantifiable measurement of intelligence is increasingly regarded as pseudoscience.

Or that these are fictional depictions of the Differently Animated made by highly biased and sensationalist individuals looking to sell movie tickets.

Or that the chart presupposes a zero-sum game being inevitably played out between the Living and the Undead, an assertion that we heartily reject here at the ZRC.

Brother. This chart isn’t just highly offensive, even taken at face value it has very little explanatory power. Note that the axes aren’t labeled in any detail, the units of measurement and scale are not quantified. Note also some highly questionable placements of the individuals from various films. Why does the hive mind in ‘Slither’ qualify as ‘Dumb’, for example? They were interstellar travelers who may or may not have had access to some sort of faster than light travel. Does that make everyone at NASA even dumber?

And why are the ‘Evil Dead’ categorized as slow? Have you *seen* how fast some of those Deadites can move? And talk about acrobatic! Geez, if the world wasn’t so bigoted, they could probably get jobs in Cirque du Soleil.

The ZRC rejects this chart, not just for being a bad piece of quasi-scientific hate speech, but for its bigotry and prejudice, for attempting to pigeonhole diverse individuals with thoughts and feelings by the nature of the particular mechanism by which they were animated (Unborn this Way?) and for being just plain unfair in downplaying the achievements and abilities of the Differently Animated.

We rate this chart as ‘Living Supremacist’.

Category: Zombie Media | 1 Comment »
Tags: Academia, Advertising, Journamalism, ZRC Reviews

Posted By John Sears on June 24, 2011

We love to review music here on the ZRC blog; if nothing else it’s a nice change of pace. So I wish I had better news to relate about the video for Patent Pending’s song ‘Dance Till We Die’, but.. we don’t.

In fact, the video does a great disservice by spreading not just conventional fears about Zombies consuming and converting the Living into some sort of involuntarily conscripted, dare I say it, ‘Army of Darkness’, but by spreading that fear even further than conventionally possible – to the one subgroup of Zombies often exempted from Anti-Zombie prejudice, those Undead individuals with dancing ability (think ‘Thriller’)

Yes, this video features a catchy song, Zombie choreography AND violence against the Living, along with the aforementioned forced assimilation. Great. Just… great.

This is only going to make it harder for Zombie dancers to find work, you know that, Patent Pending? Do you realize what you’ve done? It’s hard enough to get work if you’re Differently Animated in this economy…. good grief.

For wallowing in gore, scary imagery, both old AND new stereotyping of the Differently Animated, we award this video our lowest ranking, that of Living Supremacist.

The video is embedded below.

Category: Zombie Media | No Comments »
Tags: Music, Youtube Mischief, ZRC Reviews

Posted By John Sears on June 23, 2011

Think I’m editorializing too much? Perhaps, but it’s hard to keep my temper when I read a man so steeped in Anti-Zombiism touting his achievements in defaming the Differently Animated:

Q: What are you expecting from the first few weeks?

A: It’s a funny question: I really don’t know exactly what they’re going to be shooting. But I will say there are some really awesome set-pieces coming up in the first episode. It’s just going to be a lot of fun to get back and see Andrew and Sarah and Jon in costume again, watching Greg Nicotero make zombies again. It’s gonna be a lot of fun.

Q: Have you seen what Greg has planned, zombie-wise?

A: Oh yeah. I’ve seen a lot of the stuff that he’s been putting together, and I can just say that he’s definitely taking things to the next level. I used to joke when we were promoting the first season, I would say “These are the best zombies that you’ve ever seen because Greg Nicotero has perfected his craft, and if he goes and does a zombie movie next THOSE will be the best zombies you’ve ever seen.” And now I’m happy to say that The Walking Dead Season 2 zombies are the best zombies you’ve ever seen because that’s what Greg Nicotero is doing next. There are going to be some memorable comic book zombies here and there, and then a lot is just Greg going, “OK, what can you do to the human body?”

…

Q: Last season you were pretty adamant you wouldn’t be dress up as a zombie. Have you had a change of heart?

A: I have not changed my mind. It’s just a pet peeve of mine: I don’t like recognizing people in cameo. I’m fine with cameos where I know that’s a buddy of mine that’s a zombie, but I do so much promotion for the show I just feel like viewers would be like, “That’s that guy from the Internet! What’s he doing in the background?” I feel like I would stick out like a sore thumb and ruin the scene. Also, I would not be able to resist the urge to wave. No one wants to see a waving zombie.

Q: How about directing an episode this season?

A: No, no no. That’s ridiculous. I won’t do that until Season 3. [Laughs] Look, directing looks really difficult. And I’m really proud of the fact that I’ve made my living by doing things that aren’t very difficult. So, you know, I don’t want to start working for a living. That just seems unwise to me.

There’s more, of course, but it’s mostly along those lines. Robert Kirkman, a self-admitted lazy exploiter of Zombies, going on about how great it is that Greg Nicotero, an apparently very hard-working exploiter of Zombies, can apply creative gory makeup, or how great the acting is from the people playing the Living (note his lack of concern for actors portraying Zombies).

And of course, he refuses to even dress up for a day as a Zombie, supposedly out of some deep-set aversion to cameos, which seems absurd given the perverse pleasure they take in making a gruesome spectacle out of Zombie post-mortem wound makeup (which could obviously be used to make him less recognizable). No, I think the real reason is obvious: Kirkman doesn’t even try out being a Zombie because deep down he doesn’t want to understand what it feels like to BE a Zombie in a world like the ones he creates in his twisted imagination and helps bring to the screen.

As I said, he’s a coward. For shame, Robert Kirkman, for shame Greg Nicotero, and of course, shame on AMC and the many, many viewers who make this debauchery profitable.

From AMC via BuyZombie.

Hey Kids! You know what might be fun? Try to publicly shame Robert Kirkman on Twitter. Just go here and let him know what you think of his hateful body of work. I’m sure he will appreciate your comments. (Be polite).

Category: Uncategorized | No Comments »
Tags: Comics, Journamalism, Television

Posted By John Sears on June 23, 2011

This is a random little gem of Undead sympathy in advertising that I came across.. somehow or other… in my internet journeys and wanted to share.

I have no information on whether the arthritis treatment it’s hawking is the least bit effective, but their humor and sympathy for a man who’s come back from the dead with a few medical issues certainly is:

We rate this ad as Zombie Friendly.

Category: Zombie Media | No Comments »
Tags: Advertising, ZRC Reviews